The most important vote of your lifetime

Off for the weekend, so one final reminder:

My newest book, Godspeed, President Meal Ticket: Some Guy With a Website's Final Chance to Cash In On the Bush Administration, is on the ballot for the Outstanding Debut Award at the Ignatz Awards, presented at the Small Press Expo Saturday and Sunday in Bethesda, Maryland.

Come check out the show and vote for me! And buy the book! And lots of other peoples' stuff! SOLID!

A B.A. in B.S.

Let's say that you just strangled a hooker to death with your bare hands. Upon returning home after whatever means were necessary to dispose of this incident, you are greeted by your loving family, of which your wife inquires "my gosh, honey, why are you coming home so late?" Now, it seems very intelligent to give a simple response that is exceptionally believable such as "oh, gosh, I had to work late" or "I stopped by the bar with the guys for a drink." But you would most certainly not respond by saying "well I definitely wasn't killing a prostitute I picked up at the gas station!" Because, honestly, that's the answer you give if you want everyone to think you did just that.

Okay, let's use a better example. Imagine you are being interviewed and someone asks you "what newspapers do you read?" Now, it would be almost painfully obvious and easy to simply say you read the New York Times, or the Washington Post, or even, if you'd like to be edgy, you can say something like "well I'm not really big on print media, I get most of my information from blogs nowadays." But you know what you don't say? "All of them." Because that's fucking stupid.

So, see, here is where the idea that Sarah Palin is a complete idiot lies. It's not that she's a liar. Dick Cheney is a liar, and he's certainly not a stupid man. Sarah Palin appears to be a complete idiot because she is an awful liar.

I mean, it is absolutely fascinating that this woman cannot bullshit her way out of a paper bag. Yes, the analogy has been run into the ground by now, but her interview with Couric came off like Miss Teen South Carolina- not necessarily a stupid person, but gasping for cognizance of the twenty or so prepared responses for common topics. Think about all the media spotlight on Britney Spears during her so-called "meltdown" a year ago. What's still one of the most recognized statements from Spears? Her canned, vacant endorsement of Bush from her Tucker Carlson interview.

The problem is, with no disrespect intended to Britney Spears or Caitlin Upton (yes. I had to Google that), being a pop star and being a beauty queen don't necessarily require you to come off as an intelligent person. It's helpful, but it's not necessary. As George W. Bush has so aptly proven, when you're the leader of the free world, at a very minimum, you need to at least pretend you're competent. I go back and forth daily on whether or not Sarah Palin is actually an idiot or merely a victim of her own scenario. But I don't go back and forth on whether or not she looks like one. She does.

No one, apparently, taught Sarah Palin how to ad-lib. Or, rather, in her painfully short and limited political career, she's never found it necessary. She's been able to spin well-crafted lies that have been prepared for her, and as a former beauty pageant contestant herself, she knows all about the canned responses. But that's why I'm really not too worried about some magical "super Sarah" appearing at the debate on Thursday. No, I don't think she's going to be a disaster, and in context that's going to be considered a "win" for Republicans. But if she's getting any training before this debate on making an answer up on the fly, then it's the first time she's ever been given it.

Huh.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has talked to more American news reporters than Sarah Palin. Not just in his lifetime. I mean, in this year.

Think about that one. Actually think about that one.

"Plan B"

Latest comic - click here!

I'm going to be away next weekend, which means I won't get to relay in comic form the oncoming trainwreck that will be the next round of debates. John McCain already spent the last week pretending to care about the financial crisis to pretend that he needed to try and cancel a debate that he then pretended to reluctantly agree to attend that he then lost. And in three days Sarah Palin will be forced to talk again. Nothing good will come for John McCain out of this.

So about being away next weekend? It's because of this:

That's right, the new book is here. I am proud to announce that the newest book, Godspeed, President Meal Ticket: Some Guy With a Website's Final Chance to Cash In On the Bush Administration, will continue the proud tradition of the titles to my books getting ridiculously longer each time. Also, the tradition of being on the ballot for the Outstanding Debut Award at the Ignatz Awards, presented at the one and only Small Press Expo in lovely Bethesda, Maryland! That means you have to do a series of simple things: come to the show, buy my book, and vote for it after coming to the show and buying my book! It's just that simple!

If you can't make it to SPX, the book will go on sale via the website after next week. Make sure to join the mailing list if you'd like to be the first to know when it goes on sale!