August 23, 2008

On Biden

I'm not going to act as if I'm a genius here, becuase it was just a simple guess, but I made roughly one single post back in March where I mentioned that Biden (along with Mark Warner) was pretty much the only logical choice for Obama's running mate. I suppose that, compared with certain people who have written, let's say, eight posts a day for the last four months about how Obama is going to pick Hillary Clinton and/or if he doesn't pick Hillary Clinton it's the end of the world, that casts a light on who has a better grip on reality, so the revelataion of what anyone who wasn't a complete idiot knew- that it was never even possible- is kind of amusing. Hope you sold short on InTrade, lil' babies.

But I digress. Regarding Biden, I'm still standing by what I said back in March. And I'm honestly happy with the pick. I disagree with a lot of Biden's positions. A lot of them. But again, to be frank, the person most liberals perceived as the "most progressive" option turned out to be schtupping his videographer in a hotel for the last two years. So let's see what the ticket can offer us.

I like Joe Biden as a person. I really do. He's entertaining and he's smart, and on the latter I cannot get into how refreshing it is that he's not afraid to acknowledge that. The most painful part of the 2000 race was watching Al Gore, a man smarter than probably 99% of the entire country, going out of his way to pretend he was an idiot because the actual idiot was the one "you wanted to have a beer with."

There's an even better way to frame Biden's personality, and despite what people are worried about, I think it's his greatest asset: In simplest terms, Joe Biden is an enormous asshole. And frankly, I love him for it. He's the type of asshole who's an asshole because he knows, right out of the gate, that he's smarter than you, that he knows more about a subject, and that he actually has the right idea about something. And damn it people, it's time to finally try having someone who's not ashamed of that instead of pretending to be an idiot just to pander.

He has said a lot of stupid shit, but he's also said a lot of great stuff. Ezra Klein has a favorite video clip that's one of mine as well- in which Biden completely destroyed Rudy Giuliani while walking to his car. And let's not forget the "non, verb, 9/11" and the "yes" delivery.

Biden is the one person who might actually be able to deflect criticism appropriately- he's the only one who, when faced with attacks like "in 2005 you said you'd be thrilled to run with John McCain", he might actually respond with the equivalent of "well, yeah, that was before I found out John McCain was a fucktard." Hell, he might even say exactly that. And he'd be right.

McCain has two major weaknesses- he's incredibly short-tempered, and he doesn't know what the hell he's talking about. Biden is going to attack both, and he's going to do it in a way the media will love. He's everything necessary to be the ying to Obama's yang. Biden is perceived as flawed while Obama needs to shrug the mocked stigma of being a flawless messiah. Obama is the insightful, visionary newcomer. Biden is the established attack dog. Obama has compassion; Biden has rabies.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 8:19 AM

August 22, 2008

Posted by August J. Pollak at 9:07 AM

August 20, 2008

I'm sorry.

Obama Names Musician Rick Astley as Running Mate
Self-proclaimed "greatest prank evar" required 18 months, $390 million in prep work

Springfield, IL - August 23, 2008 - In front of a cheering crowd as well as in a text message to over three million anxious supporters, U.S. Senator and prospective Democratic Party presidential nominee Barack Obama declared to the world that he had selected 1980's pop musician Rick Astley to be his vice-presidential running mate.

Rick Astley, Prospective Democratic nominee for vice-president, pending an immediate alteration to the U.S. Constitution

"And now, America, what you've all been waiting to hear!" shouted the Junior Senator from the state of Illinois, as an American-flag-decorated curtain dropped behind Mr. Obama, immediately followed by the familiar opening drum beats and funk synthesizer chords of Astley's 1987 hit single, "Never Gonna Give You Up."

Pumping his fists downward in a striking motion as he spoke, Mr. Obama continued, "you just got Rickrolled, America!"

While the title of "greatest prank ever" remains speculative, experts from the Guinness Book of World Records verified shortly before press time that Obama's announcement likely set the world record for the longest sustained silence from a crowd of over 10,000 people, at roughly over seven minutes.

Markos Moulstas, founder of the liberal weblog, has not been seen since Obama's announcement. San Francisco police have begun an extensive search of local bars for bodies.

"This is truly a landmark in internet memes," opined Cory Doctorow, founder of the popular internet site BoingBoing. "Obama is a pioneer of the free creative expression that makes the internet so wonderful. When we shape these paradigms via-a-vis the viral meme of the 'Rickroll,' we can understand the new scope of the digital revolution embraced by the Obama campaign. I'm still annoyed that Obama didn't register this entire prank under a Creative Commons license, thus allowing the entire supporter database he gathering for what I'd call a new phase of "involuntary interactive art" to surpass the RIAA's objections to the use of the YouTube of..." it is assumed that as of press time, Mr. Doctorow is still talking.

Senator Hillary Clinton could not be reached for comment.

Howard Dean, chairman of the Democratic National Committee, acknowledged the cleverness of the Obama campaign's prank, calling it "an act of surprising vision and initiative." However he did express regret that Mr. Astley, being a British citizen not born in the United States, was Constitutionally ineligible to be elected to the office of vice-president, as well as expressed "disappointment" that the revelation of the entire Obama campaign being an elusive scam inarguably guaranteed victory in the November election, and the likely power to nominate up to three justices to the U.S. Supreme Court, to Republican Senator John McCain.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 11:15 PM


Everyone's sort of wasting their time pretending that talking about Obama's running mate a lot will somehow make him announce it earlier, and as a result a slightly more interesting story sort of slipped through the cracks:

After former Pakistan president Pervez Musharraf on Tuesday declared that he had no plans to flee to some other country and wished to stay in his home country for the rest of his life calling Pakistan as his "first love", Washington changed its earlier stand and said that it was ready to consider his asylum bid, if any.

According to the Daily Times, a US State Department spokesman said that though so far the US had not got any asylum application from Musharraf, but will study it and might consider it, if made by the ex-president.

"We haven't been asked to provide him with any asylum or place of residence. If he chooses to take up residence somewhere ... we would obviously look at it," the paper quoted the spokesman Robert Wood as saying.

I suppose in the long run it's not a very important story, as I imagine it would never happen in a million years, but that something like that is even considered by Rice and the rest of the State Department is really a perfect example of just how broken the people in this administration are. In case you forgot, last week we ruled in court that a guy who gave Osama bin Laden a ride in his car has to spend the rest of his life in solitary confinement. On the other hand, a brutal dictator who allowed bin Laden to hide in Pakistan after murdering 3,000 Americans will be offered tips on where the good schools are.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 9:11 AM

August 18, 2008

Random thought of the evening

Anyone else think it would be wildly hilarious if Obama sent the phone/text message announcement of his running mate at 3:00 AM?

Posted by August J. Pollak at 9:16 PM

"Whiny Baby Political Report"

Latest comic - click here!

It amazes me how infuriatingly full of themselves the rabid dead-enders for Hillary Clinton are. The most disturbing irony is that they are obsessed with insisting that the only way they'll "allow" (as if it's their right or something) Barack Obama to be the nominee is after they have their asses sufficiently kissed, and yet it is them, not Clinton herself, that makes the idea of ever voting for Hillary Clinton as palatable as eating my own dung.

I'm at the point where I really considered how profitable a market would be for selling "Hillary '08" pacifiers at the Denver convention. I don't understand how the Clintons themselves tacitly endorse the actions of their whiniest worshippers by not only refusing to condemn their making crap threats and demeaning Barack Obama but saying stupid things like how "catharsis" is needed by wasting a lot of time at the convention celebrating the person who lost the primary. The only reason I can't reflect on Hillary Clinton's ego is that a handful of whiny, infantile bloggers' and pundits' dwarf any she herself might have.

Buy some crap. Join the mailing list.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 12:08 AM

August 17, 2008

Better pandering, please

Look, I know McCain is desperate to toss as much raw meat to the right wing as he can, but this is ridiculous:

Rick Warren, doing his best impression of a TV news interrogator, asked both candidates an interesting question: Which current member of the Supreme Court would they not have appointed.

For Obama, it was Clarence Thomas.

He was "not a strong enough jurist or legal thinker," Obama said.

McCain had four, two nominated by a Democrat and two by a Republican: Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Stephen Breyer, David Souter, John Paul Stevens.

So, McCain believes that all four of the SCOTUS justices who most frequently disagree with the conservative majority shouldn't have been nominated. Got it.

You'd think, naturally, that McCain would have made this declaration during at least one of the confirmation votes for either Ginsburg, Breyer or Souter, all three of whom he voted in favor of confirming. But of course, you would then have to ignore the vitally important issue that McCain is allowed to vote three times in a row for Justices he personally feels shouldn't be on the bench because he was once a prisoner of war.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 9:42 AM