June 21, 2008

LEGO fruit snacks

Hands down the funniest line I've read all week.

I just spent the first three years of my sons life trying to get him not to eat blocks, and now you're telling him they taste like fucking strawberries. Thanks a lot assholes.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 8:08 AM

June 20, 2008

Show me the quote.

Not that I really drag comment-board fights onto my own site a lot, but I really love this one because it's a great example of how the Obama campaign is going to have to deal with pundits, especially online ones with a lot more traffic and influence than a pathetic little troll on Oliver's comments section.

After praising Obama's speech the other day calling out Republicans on making 9/11 their personal political football, short bus regular Jay Caruso links to a picture of captured 9/11 planner Khalid Shaikh Mohammed with the following snark:

Right, and nobody involved in the 9/11 attacks has been caught. I guess Obama, while confirming that we have 50 states forgot about this guy

Just one slight problem here, which I'm sure anyone who is, you know, smart, probably noticed: no one, most particularly Senator Obama, ever said "nobody involved in the 9/11 attacks has been caught."

This is exactly what Obama said, which I realize might have been hard for Jay to see what with it being printed verbatim half a page up:

The people who were responsible for murdering 3,000 Americans on 9/11 have not been brought to justice. They are Osama bin Laden, al Qaeda and their sponsors - the Taliban. They were in Afghanistan.

You'll notice that, juvenile as it may be, I'm having loads of fun in that thread now. Because Jay knows he's a complete liar. He knows the two quotes are completely different, meaning two completely different things, and he's left three or four other comments in the thread since then, not only ignoring my calling him out on this, but actually having the audacity to whine about other people's "claims" about things.

Anyway, I mention all this because, once again, this is a pathetic little troll on a more popular blogger's website. And he's doing this. Michelle Malkin is going to do this too. Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, everyone on Fox, and so on- they're all going to do this. They're going to take an actual quote, decide what Obama really said, and then scream about it until enough people are convinved it's true. We have has-been bloggers claiming Michelle Obama hurled racial slurs and never-will-be felons making claims with no evidence whatsoever.

If there is one great, fantastic moment which I will always love Chris Matthews for, it was when he did that to Michelle Malkin- she pulled something completely out of her ass- that "some soldiers were saying" John Kerry's wounds were self-inflicted- and Matthews demanded the evidence. Who said it? Show me the quote.

Show me the quote, liars.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 8:56 AM

June 18, 2008

Cookie Crook

It what I can only imagine will be looked back on as the mind-bogglingly stupidest-yet-easily-avoidable act of the 2008 election cycle, Cindy McCain (or rather yet another now-fired McCain staffer) has now repeatedly copied recipes from popular websites and claimed them as her own.

What makes this so fascinating is how this was done for no discernable reason whatsoever. You can't even classify this as a gaffe- gaffes are when you're trying to do or say something and fumble it to an embarassing level. This is just... just effing stupid. What benefit would have arisen from this that was worth the risk of stealing a recipe that, for the record, was detected instantly via a Google search? If you don't have a family recipe for something, just ignore Parenting Magazine's request for a recipe. Cindy's hubby isn't running off to Wired to talk about how well-overclocked his water-cool rig is.

That said, and of course to maintain the tradition of this space having no tact or sense of fairness whatsoever, we'll conclude with the easy joke. At least she's not stealing drugs again.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 12:00 PM

June 16, 2008

"Dap supreme"

Latest comic - click here!

The Supreme Court ruled last week in one of those fascinating moments in the annals of American stupidity where something that for entire generations we just assumed everyone already knew because the alternative was just insanely stupid had to actually be clarified because apparently there were a lot more insanely stupid people around than we thought. In this case, it was the blindingly obvious notion that when you capture someone because you think they did something bad, you actually at some point have to prove that they did the bad thing, and- gasp!- the people you accused of doing the bad thing might actually want to try and prove they didn't.

Detractors to the Court's ruling, which we'll refer to as, for the lack of the actual scientific term, idiots, are now weeping and gnashing teeth over this horrific snag in America's plan to hold a few hundred people hostage in Cuba forever because we're, you know, pretty sure they're evildoers, claiming this provides some kind of instant freedom to terrorists. Trying, nature show host-like, to think like the wild free-roaming moron, I imagine you must believe then, that some of these hostages in Gitmo might now actually be released, perhaps because, and please take note of this, the United States doesn't actually have enough evidence to prove in a trial that the person they've been keeping in a cage for five years is a terrorist. And for that, we can only celebrate with the new secret terrorist hand gesture invented by some idiot at Fox News.

Buy some crap. Join the mailing list.

Update: Reader Kim K. sends one of many reminders about how the U.S. has never, never, never captured and indefnitely imprisoned anyone who wasn't actually a terrorist. Nope, no sir. Never.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 6:50 AM