March 7, 2008


I suppose given the whole issue, the term "bitch-slap" is entirely inappropriate, but I'm really at a loss for a better way to emphasize just how well-prepared- juicy, tender, with perhaps a perfect hint of succulence and aroma, with a pleasing but not overwhelming bouquet- Katha Pollitt serves the Washington Post its own ass.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 10:45 AM

March 6, 2008

Lennie Small on the PGA tour

Dear idiot:

Small animals, you see, tend to die when solid projectiles are launched at them at high velocity.


Posted by August J. Pollak at 9:10 PM

Planet Obama

Rated to a monthly average, the following countries have a Gross Domestic Product of less than $55 million:

Liberia, Grenada, St. Vincent, St. Kitts, Comoros, Vanuatu, Samoa, East Timor, Gambia, The Solomon Islands, Guinea, Kiribati, and Tonga.

I just felt like pointing that out.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 4:00 PM

More on Florida

While I'm on a tear about it, I'd like to add that one of the lines the Clinton supporters really need to stop embarrassing themselves with is the notion that Clinton should be the nominee because she'll win Florida.

She won't.

Please stop saying Florida is a "swing state." It's a red state. Over a quarter of Democrats in the state are willing to vote for McCain over either Clinton or Obama, and that's not even factoring in the possibility that McCain may choose the popular former [edit: oopsie] Florida governor Charlie Crist to be his running mate.

Someone a while back- I think it may have been Ezra- pointed out the obvious for 2008- if the Democrat, whoever it is, wins Florida this year, it will be because of a national popularity that makes the rest of the country irrelevant. In other words, if Obama or Clinton wins Florida, it's because they've also won Ohio, Pennsylvania, Nevada, Iowa, and Missouri by large margins.

This is, ultimately, one of the major problems I have with a lot of the pro-Hillary arguments. People keep saying Obama is a candidate of empty promises, and yet the entire case for Clinton is based on an agenda and campaign strategy that is not based in reality. Be it "we'll totally win Florida, because I'm super popular" or "I'll pass a universal health care plan because there's, like, no way the Republicans would even consider filibustering something like that" or "oh, of course we'll put Barack Obama on the ticket so you should totally vote for me because it'll be like voting for both of us, I promise" I have pretty much no faith in a Clinton victory. And maybe that's why the whole "hope" and "change" angle is working so well.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 9:26 AM

March 5, 2008

Eff 'em

I know I'm in the minority here, but eff Florida and Michigan. This whole mess started because they wanted to be the first, ergo most important primaries in the nation. So now, after that plan worked about as well as, I don't know, let's say the Maginot Line, their brilliant idea is to schedule another round of votes so they can be... umm.. the most important primaries in the nation. Well la dee frikin' da.

Beyond, of course, their electoral votes, I'm not exactly sure what suddenly inspired the legislatures of Florida and Michigan to decide they're literally more important than every other state in the country, but the idea that the DNC or either Democratic campaign is even entertaining their delusions of grandeur is insulting to the other 95% of the U.S. populace.

As someone who lives in a very special section of the country that is Constitutionally forbidden from even having voting representation in Congress, could Florida and Michigan kindly shut the hell up about not "having a voice?" Opening your trap is what cost you your voice in the first place. You blew it. Deal with it.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 10:57 PM

March 4, 2008

Stupid editors

I'm late to the game on the saga of the Stupidest Editorial Ever Written™ and part of me doesn't even want to give it any attention since it was written for the sole purpose of getting just that. But Jessica's observation about the "response" from the Washington Post editors highlights what really aggravates me about all this.

This isn't an opportunity for the Post to discuss the merits of their decision, because the merits of the decision have already been vetted by an almost overwhelming majority of outside parties: they fucked up. Obviously, the best solution to this was to have never run the editorial in the first place. But since the bed hath already been shat upon, the correct response- and quite honestly, the only acceptable one- is for the Post to apologize. They are not going to, which is what the real problem here is. They are not going to acknowledge that they made a tremendously insulting and stupid decision based on the incompetence of the editors at the top of the food chain, and instead are going to suggest that this whole incident "encourages debate." This is, of course, utter bullshit.

If you were a low-level grunt at a fast-food restaurant, and when a customer asked for a burger and you accidentally served them a raw, uncooked patty of ground beef, you would most likely be fired. In contrast, if you are the editor of the Washington Post you apparently get to respond by asking people to send in their favorite hamburger recipies to counter the massive epidemic of Salmonella poisoning you just gave everyone.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 9:26 AM

Screen cleaner

Yeah, I could pretty much watch this all day.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 7:52 AM

March 3, 2008

"Silly Season, week 107"

Latest comic - click here!

The primary season needs to end. Right now. I really can't take much more of this, whether it's the GOP salivating over which line of veiled bigotry they get to try out this time around (my personal guess is the tried and true method- whoever's the Democratic nominee, they're secretly gay) or Mark Penn wondering if The Konami Code works for voting machines or my television asking me which person I want in the White House at 3 in the morning ready to nuke a country to defend my children. I have kids? Huh.

(Great gag format this week, huh? Just in case you're confused, no, you didn't accidentally visit Penny Arcade and Gabe had a stroke right before drawing. But I digress. Buy some crap and join the list.)

Posted by August J. Pollak at 12:09 AM