March 1, 2008
I am twelve years old
For the record, this is a map of Dennis Hastert's Congressional district.
February 28, 2008
The O.C. comes to D.C.
The greatest saga in the history of mankind that is Late Night Shots continues, as they strike a deal with a "reality TV" production company to film rich, stupid, racist, white, Republican Georgetown douchebags in their semi-natural habitat of one of three bars in the District they all attend to perform their horrid, horrid mating rituals. Also, I did the illustration, but seriously- I read it for the articles.
February 27, 2008
The Buck stops here
National Review founder William F. Buckley, Jr., dead at 82.
Rest in Peace, Mr. Buckley. I hope it doesn't bother you too much that they let black people into Heaven too.
Say hello to my little friend
The Hillary Clinton campaign is taking a temporary step back from their super-delegate strategy, the Huffington Post reports, and trying to get super-delegates to not endorse for now.
The rationale is that supers at this juncture might break for Barack Obama in large numbers, so as to stop the primary race and move on to the general election.
A set of e-mailed talking points to supporters advances a counter-argument: "If House, Senate and DNC members try to end this process now, it would be very damaging to those institutions, the Democratic Party and our chances in November."
If this is true, then it's all over. Seriously. This isn't even worth sending out "flip-flop" accusations; it should just be roundly laughed at. If Mark Penn said this publicly on one of the news talk shows I would expect Graham Chapman to appear, fully dressed in military regalia, and demand that the entire interview be stopped immediately for being too silly.
Look, I've made comments about the campaigns but I really do feel like I've done my best here to not actually take a full side in what has clearly been the most amazing and competetive Democratic primary race in my lifetime, and may very will be for the rest of it. But I just haven't seen a single story in the last two weeks now that even remotely suggest Hillary Clinton has a chance of being the nominee at this point- without, that is, using the superdelegates to secure her a nomination in Denver.
So this isn't an endorsement of Obama- I mean for one thing that's pretty much irrelevant at this point- but rather an endorsement of Hillary Clinton for the best future she can have outside of being the Democratic nominee for president. She has the potential to be one of the strongest and most influential Democrats in the Senate, but that's only going to happen if she doesn't turn herself into a laughingstock on the road to defeat. She needs to start planning the best way to walk away, and she needs to do it right now.
My brother once made a great comment about the movie Scarface when we were watching it a few years back- in that final climactic scene when Tony Montana is coked up beyond any means human biological science could measure and making his last stand with the giant gun, my brother said "you see how he's actually getting shot and not responding? It's because he's actually already dead at this point. His body just hasn't figured it out yet."
No one, including people in Hillary's own campaign, I imagine, can be reading that e-mail up there right now and not be laughing in that kind of sad-yet-sympathetic laughter you make when someone cracks a joke about a sick relative or a friend who was in an accident or something like that. It reeks of the desperation that will taint Clinton post-primary and that's not just bad for her, it's bad for Democrats in general. I don't think Hillary has a chance of becoming the Democratic nominee. That doesn't mean I want her entire career- which can definitely be long and promising- to be destroyed because she won't accept this. Hillary's at the desk right now with the rivals closing in on her, and instead of considering an exit and a chance at an escape she's wondering how many guys she can take out. Politically speaking, I would prefer the ending to Hillary 2008 not be the equivalent of taking a shotgun blast off of a balcony.
Thus ends, unquestionably, the silliest political analogy I've ever made in my life.
February 26, 2008
I can't watch this
It's about 9:50 and I'm turning the debate off. I personally think Barack Obama should just get up and walk off the stage so he can leave Hillary Clinton to whine about how everyone's being unfair to her while Tim Russert and Brian Williams do everything in their power to prove it.
In which I pretend I'm Wonkette for five minutes
Monica Goodling, dare-we-say legendary U.S. Attorney whose storied career at the Justice Department consisted almost entirely of firing lawyers who were qualified for their jobs, is getting hitched to RedState founder Michael Krempasky.
There is no word on when the couple plan to have their first child, but rest assured it will have an almost inherent sense of self-righteous entitlement. In addition, despite the best of Krempasky's efforts, it will fail to ever be even a tenth as popular as Markos Moulitsas' son.
February 25, 2008
"The anything but homosexual agenda"
I'm not surprised that this survey would put alternative options above letting gays serve openly; I just didn't think that almost all of them would beat out rescinding "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" by 2-1 and 3-1 margins. Statistically, there has to be a large number of military officers who approved of many of these ideas over just not being homophobes, and I'm struggling to imagine what their logic must be: these are officers- high-ranking, well-trained members of our armed forces- who think that it would be better for the army and more beneficial to unit cohesion to allow stupider, older, and unwilling participants than gays.
As the old Carlin line goes, I'd like to repeat that because it sounds vaguely important: nearly twice as many army officers would approve of forcing straight people to join the army than they would letting gay people volunteer. I'm amazed they also wanted to lower educational standards... judging by this survey that just seems like their giving themselves some little-needed competition.
February 24, 2008
Johansson '08 - the campaign surges
I'll refer to the previous two posts I made about Ralph Nader running for president again. And then, short of a major turn of events, I will provide exactly the amount of coverage appropriate for this story and not mention Ralph Nader again for the remainder of the year.