January 25, 2008

Ft. Awesome

A farmer in London built a 2-story Tudor-style castle on his farmland by hiding it behind a 40-foot pile of hay. For four years. While living in it.

I really can't add anything more to that. That's just so damned great.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 8:52 AM

January 24, 2008

John Aravosis might be smoking crack

Yes. Pity those poor, impoverished middle-class New Yorkers only making $75,000 a year. Seriously, what?

By the way, if this means John is making over $75K a year for blogging, then he should have his ass kicked twice for this one.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 3:16 PM

Mmmmm. Delicious

Yes, I agree with John Cole here. Every now and then it's worth it to actually read Malkin just for the sweet, sweet taste of wingnut tears.

For those of you not up to speed with the right-wing fringe candidate of the moment: Duncan Hunter is/was a crazy California congressman who really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really hated Mexicans, and because of this, right-wingers like Michelle Malkin spent a good amount of time thinking of really crazy and nonsensical things to say about him, the most popular one being that he had a chance of becoming president. Hunter dropped out about a week ago after consistently losing to "other" in the early primaries. This dismays many right-wing lunatics like Michelle, as despite there still being a handful of Republican candidates who all promise that to hate on women and gay people, and definitely continue a war that has killed almost four thousand Americans for no particular reason whatsoever, there are now no Republicans in the primary who openly want to gather up all 12 million undocumented people in America and build a wall out of them.

So now, as I've covered before, the right wing is going a bit crazy over the popularity of a Republican candidate who instead of merely pretending to love Jesus for the sake of using the love of Jesus to do pretty much everything Jesus said "don't do," actually loves Jesus so much that on rare occasions he would consider doing something Jesus actually recommended- in this particular case, not wondering if we can just take all the illegals and convert them into the philosopher's stone or something.

And Hunter, the candidate they all loved because he promised to actually eat the heart of an illegal immigrant baby who he has stripped of citizenship by repealing the 14th Amendment, just endorsed him. Which makes them very, very unhappy.

This probably sounds very, very confusing, and I assure you, it is. Please keep in mind that a few years ago these were the same people who were rioting outside a hospital to demand the force-feeding of a woman who had been technically dead for about ten years. So, honestly, complaining that a complete lunatic told the fourteen people who actually voted for him to vote for a candidate they all don't like is really a big step up.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 7:38 AM

Breaking news!

John Gibson is a complete asshole.

This is an update to our previous report "John Gibson might be an asshole" and our earlier investigative piece "John Gibson: just how big of an asshole is he, really?"

Posted by August J. Pollak at 7:33 AM

January 22, 2008

The long national nightmare is over

Fred Thompson dropping out, so says... everyone now.

By long, I mean he joined at the last minute, by national, I mean he decided to stumble around a few fairgrounds and mumble some stuff, and by nightmare I mean if you actually thought he had a snowball's chance in the hottest fires of Hell I want a dime bag of whatever you've been smoking for the last few months.

Over to FreeRepublic to see how fast threads start about making Fred someone's VP, because given his stunning 12% victory in South Carolina or whatever, that makes perfect sense.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 2:31 PM

Thank you very much, makeup category

So, yeah- Norbit is now officially an Academy Award-nominated film.

The full list of Oscar noms is hyeah, and you can start picking through it to examine the silliness that is Hollywood politics. For example, the fact that Kate Blanchett was nominated for the Elizabeth movie, despite everyone on the entire planet thinking it, and her performance, was terrible. There's apparently a Hollywood by-law that says you are legally required to be nominated for any instance of playing Queen Elizabeth I. It's a subset of an older law which legally requires Meryl Streep to be nominated for everything.

And for the record, I was (pleasantly) wrong on the animated nominations- I cannot for the life of me imagine who bribed who to get Surf's Up in there but with The Simpsons Movie out of the way and Persepolis not getting the complimentary foreign-language nod I think the field's pretty much cleared for Pixar.

Now, of course, comes the most fun part of the entire ceremony: wondering if there will even be one. Yay!

Posted by August J. Pollak at 12:52 PM

January 21, 2008

"Gripping dialogue"

Latest comic - click here!

I came across this halfway through inking this week's installment, but I really think it's an unfair singling out of one particular word. There appear to be trigger words for every single candidate, save for Fred Thompson, whose catchphrase is simply falling asleep mid-stump-speech. Get it? The joke there is he looks frigging old. That's what you get from this cartoon- brilliant scathing wit.

Rudy Giuliani, of course, founded this trend, what with his use of 9/11 as a handy replacement for, well, let's say the comma. And since his political career will be over after next week I wanted to get one more "Rudy Giuliani says 9/11 a lot" gag in there too. Again, you should expect nothing but A material from this blog. I think I have a cold and will take more NyQuil now.

Buy some crap and join the list.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 12:03 AM

January 20, 2008

We are totally screwed

A while back I mentioned how Mitt Romney was the only GOP candidate who actually worried me, based on the fact that his pandering and overall media-friendly charisma would carry him over the edge to victory, especially in the wake of the media's hatred of then-blatant-frontrunner Hillary Clinton on the Democratic side.

This was all based on the very stupid conclusion on my part, similar to the one I made for John Kerry just a few days before Iowa in 2004, that John McCain was dead and buried. It is quite clear at this point that he is not. In fact, it's safe to say at this point that the GOP race is basically between Romney and McCain.

The news media loves John McCain almost as much as they hate Hillary Clinton. I don't really think it's a very risky venture to note that if the candidates for the 2008 election end up being John McCain and Hillary Clinton, we are so very, very screwed. I realize that may be controversial to the Hillary fans out there, but pointing out that Fred Thompson is screwed is also controversial to the Fred Thompson fans. That doesn't make it less true.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 1:30 AM