September 8, 2007

"Hello? Open your eyes. It's me on top of you."

I'm pretty sure Lucy: Daughter of the Devil is going to be the next great show out of Adult Swim.

Jon Benjamin could read the phone book for three hours and I'd enjoy it. His voice calms hurricanes.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 9:21 AM

They just really don't even care anymore

I actually caught this a few days ago, but in the low-end cesspools of FreeRepublic and miniscule right-wing blogs no one reads. I sort of figured that touching this would be so embarrassingly, mind-numbingly hypocritical and ignorant of high-enders like Michelle Malkin that they wouldn't be stupid enough to pretend to be outraged by it.

I was, of course, wrong.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 8:16 AM

September 6, 2007

Oh give me a break, this doesn't even have murders involved

Oh, nonsense, Oliver. You think this is one of the most severe corruption cases in New Jersey State politics? When I worked there this is what they referred to as "Thursday."

Three dead hookers. That's a minimum I need to raise an eyebrow.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 11:34 AM

Hooray for state-run health care

Duncan Hunter on health care in last night's GOP debate:

...California Congressman Duncan Hunter in the context of how well the prisoners at Guantanamo are treated.

"They have better health care than most Americans," Hunter said in his argument against closing that prison.

So was Hunter proud of this, or do Guantanamo prisoners have Health Savings Accounts that we all weren't aware of?

And would any of the GOP candidates like to expand on why Guantanamo prisoners have better health care than many Americans? Of course they wouldn't. That was actually the only single mention of health care in the entire debate.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 9:36 AM

September 5, 2007

Why I hate Apple

So three weeks- one week longer than the return policy- after I had to go to the Apple Store and buy a new 30GB iPod to replace my previous one that died- Apple announced that they'll just start selling the 80GB one at the exact same price. This is something that, apparently, no one at the Apple Store thought might be interesting for me to know.

Fuck you, Apple. Fuck you with a 12-inch spiked dildo dipped in small pox.

Update: Oh, and it has search functions and a sturdier case too. Well isn't that nice. Chug bleach and die in a fire, you bastards.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 3:38 PM

That louder noise is the blatant sound of RedState wailing

While writing the last post, I got the news report that Larry Craig is possibly considering "retracting" his announcement that he will resign, pending trying to get his guilty plea overturned.

Craig pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct. It's obvious to anyone with a pulse at this point that Craig is a closeted gay man, and deeply (and sadly) in denial about it. Furthermore, it's obvious that Craig's guilty plea to disorderly conduct was a desperate attempt to not have a flimsy case against him (tapping his foot in a bathroom stall? Really?) escalated into a public outing of his personal life. Most obvious of all, the point in which Craig could have accomplished that has of course long since passed.

In other words, Craig's tragic internal self-struggle was one he was willing to give up his Senate seat and his entire career for to hide. Now that he can't hide it, it's understandable he's having second thoughts about giving up everything to protect nothing.

Now, to think Craig has a chance being re-elected now is ludicrous. He's clearly gone after the next election. But why bow out now instead of serving out his term... for the sake of the party that completely and utterly abandoned him? To benefit fellow senators and Republicans who called him "disgusting?"

Hence the disaster for the Republicans. The last week has been an onslaught of gay jokes and vitriol from the GOP base. The fig leaf to their open bigotry has been that Craig was a "lawbreaker." If Craig is fighting to demand his record be cleared, then Republicans are in a precarious position of saying they think their fellow party member is a criminal or that, yeah, they admit it, they just think that disgusting homo should get the hell out of Washington.

Basically, there's not a single situation in which Craig remains in the Senate that makes Republicans look good. Meanwhile, as I mentioned before, all of this is a soap opera that kicks Democratic fundraising, the nightmare over the primary dates, and John Edwards' haircuts to the curb. If Craig keeps this up for another 48 hours even Fred Thompson's Worst-Kept Secret in Washington announcment to run for President is going to be ignored.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 9:12 AM

That low hum is the muffled sound of RedState whimpering

You really do have to appreciate just how damned lucky the Democratic candidates were this week. On the Election 2008 front, one of the biggest stories is- or at least should be- that a major Democratic fundraiser- one who has raised millions for candidates over several years- is a wanted criminal. Two weeks ago, the media freshly bored of talking about mine disasters, this would have been page one, item one, talking point one. And then, of course, a Republican senator had to go ahead at be discovered as being a decades-long closeted gay man who was arrested for allegedly soliciting sex in a public restroom.

So, basically... overseas fundraiser with ties to Democrats in fundraising scandal... or senator caught in gay sex sting. Golly, I can't imagine the internal struggle the media producers had over that one. Most likely because there wasn't one.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 9:06 AM

September 4, 2007

Tinkerbell rising

Via Oliver, Michelle Malkin is ecstatic over the change of tide in the Iraq war. How is the tide turning? Well, apparently anti-war protest grafitti was written over with pro-war grafitti. And that means, folks, that we are winning the most important part of the war- the war over having a war.

I am not making this up.

Across the country, ordinary Americans-I'm talking about grass-roots activists without George Soros funding-are gearing up to bring the fight over the war to Washington. Summer's over. Iraq tops the agenda as Congress returns. Next week will bring a historic clash of activists. Melanie Morgan and Move America Forward are on their way, leading a cross-country caravan. Check out the driving route to see if they'll be stopping by a town near year on their journey to answer the ANSWER mob. Catherine Moy reports that Democrat Party organs ain't happy. Eagles are preparing. Vets for Freedom are mobilizing.

The Victory Caucus is asking for your signature on a petition urging Washington to "Stand By the Mission:"

That's right, See, Michelle is in a celebratory mood over the numerous right-wing pro-war groups that have big plans for Iraq in the next few months. And by Iraq, I of course mean the 7-11 on 3rd Street where they'll be holding a rally to demand that other people "finish the job" they won't do. Even the eleventy-bajillion-member Gathering of Eagles will be spreading the all-important message that in no way, at no point, should the people actually fighting the war stop doing that.

As for the Victory Caucus- a moderately-hyped warblogger petition to demand the war keep going- is it even a surprise at this point to have you guess what is not linked to, or even mentioned, anywhere in either Malkin's post or the "Victory Caucus" website? The answer, as always, is anything remotely related to a recruiter's office.

There's not a single right-wing blogger in Malkin's coven who actually believes in fighting the war- merely fighting the people who think we shouldn't fight it at all. Malkin has written an entire post celebrating the right-wing bloggers' triumphant plans to clap harder. To them, that's what it means to fight for a cause you believe in.

If it weren't for, you know, the four thousand dead soldiers, it would all be hilarious.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 3:43 PM

September 3, 2007

"For the good of the party"

Latest comic - click here!

I truly, truly do feel sorry for Larry Craig. Not just because he's so painfully in self-denial about who he is- and to that I can't imagine how that makes him suffer- but that he chose arguably the one aspect of life his fellow Republicans deem "immoral" that same fellow Republicans won't let slide. Today's installment would present irony just in the image of Craig's comrades actually choosing to stand by his side as they kicked him out of the Senate, let alone stand there blissfully ignorant of how many more corrupt and illegal things they've done than he.

I'm still a bit bitter about McCain, as you can tell. It's intolerable how loved he was in 2000, when this man is clearly one of the most corrupt and hard-core me-first right-wingers in the Senate today. I'm thrilled to see him joining fellow criminals Vitter and Stevens on the list of hopefully doomed office-holders in the next few election cycles.

Buy some crap and join the list.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 9:31 AM