June 28, 2007

Well, integrated schools were nice while they lasted

Once again, a large round of thanks to all those serious, "ex-liberal" bloggers out there, and their bold chastizing of us stupid, stupid leftists about how civil rights and personal liberties just weren't as important as keeping George Bush in office so he could win the war in Iraq and end terrorism all across the world.

America continues its path to freedom. Truly, another small victory.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 11:19 AM

Some gal who writes better than me with a website

Please welcome my former CAP co-worker Dana Goldstein to the blogtarwebs.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 11:00 AM

June 27, 2007

Coleman 2008: Because only American women shouldn't be beaten

Senators Coleman and Domenici- both up for re-election next year, hint hint- introduce the Deport Women By Beating the Hell Out of Them Act.

Because, you know, they're assholes.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 3:25 PM

In which I rip off Atrios' bit

Mssr. Tomorrow:

...which leads to the inevitable question: is Chris Matthews fucked in the head?.

Yes.

This has been a bootleg edition of Simple Answers to Simple Questions.

And by the way, whether or not you plan on voting for her husband, or even her husband's party, let there really be no argument here that Elizabeth Edwards is among the bravest and strongest people in this country.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 7:38 AM

June 26, 2007

Lewis Carroll meets George Orwell meets my high school physics teacher

The branches of American government are now the Executive, the Judicial, the Legislative, and a superpositioned state of being that somehow managed to serve as a Congressman from Wyoming:

The Office of the Vice President has asserted that Dick Cheney "is not an entity within the Executive Branch" in order to thwart an investigation into his handling of classified material. But there was once a time when Cheney prevented investigations by claiming they interfered with the Executive Branch.

In other words, Dick Cheney can't be investigated because that would interfere with the Executive Branch... which he is not part of when the Executive Branch is being investigated. So, essentially, Dick Cheney is simultaneously a member and not a member of the Executive Branch, depending on whether or not he thinks investigating the Executive Branch will interfere with being part of it.

At the very minimum, we now understand why Bush has absolutley no control over his own second-in-command: because he could not possibly understand the quantum theory that now encompasses Cheney's very existence. Dick Cheney is Schrödinger's Vice President.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 11:07 AM

Hi, we're the Washington Post and we're having a slow news day

Jeez, guys. If you have absolutely nothing to report this morning, then why not just make the paper less pages and sell it a little cheaper? Your readers, and their precious, precious brains, will thank you.

Besides, everyone knows the secret plan is to replace Cheney with Condi. I'm sorry, Colin Powell. I'm sorry, John McCain. I'm sorry...

Posted by August J. Pollak at 9:39 AM

June 25, 2007

"Iran, and junk"

Latest comic - click here!

Reading the casual analogy thrown out in Thers' post the other day, I realized that, putting aside for a moment my fanatical love for analogies in general, this one was just far too good to pass up putting to print. Plus, I fulfilled a two-year-long dream of doing a punchline involving rectal insertion. I have a friend who will enjoy it immensely. Let us not get into detail about it.

For the random pointless observation of the week, I'm very proud of my fake channel graphic in panel three. I think it's one of the best I've done, and more than makes up for the "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" abomination I subjected you all to a few months back.

Buy some crap and join the list.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 12:13 AM