October 24, 2003

Tell me it's a dog toy

The Ann Coulter action figure. Oh, and it talks.

Words fail me.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 4:26 PM

Dennis Kucinich simply does not care.

Okay, I took the flak for last week's strip, but this just clinches it.

Turning down the opportunity to reach millions for the coziness of Kirkland House�s Junior Common Room, Rep. Dennis J. Kucinich, D-Ohio, has mystified political observers once again.

In a move that will likely further his reputation as an eccentric, the dark horse presidential hopeful has chosen to boycott �Hardball: Battle for the White House,� a Harvard-based series of candidate interviews, charging that the series is irreparably tainted by host Chris Matthews� conservative agenda.

�Matthews asserted that only former Vermont Governor Dean had opposed the Iraq war, which was clearly a problem from our point of view,� [Kucinich spokesperson David] Swanson said, noting that Kucinich voted against the war resolution in the House of Representatives.

�It is not clear to us that it is in the public interest to dignify [Matthews�] show by treating it as a reasonable forum for discussion of the presidency,� Swanson said.

Greeeeeaaaaat. Okay, now if I was an intelligent Campaign Spokesman, I might have also noted to my boss how this strategy of boycotting an hour of free air time, you moron only works when you have a form of concensus to boycott.

Kucinich is enacting a one-man boycott. Al freakin' Sharpton is doing this show. Likely because... get this... his little-funded, victory-impossible campaign will seize the opportunity to voice its goals for an hour and defend itself against the very right-leaning attacks Kucinich is, essentially, running away from.

Is Kucinich right about Matthews' partisanship? Comparing his interview last month with Bush and last week's with John Kerry, absolutely. But we've established for a while now that Democrats not only don't have a choice in this issue, they're pretty much required to prove their mettle against a non-supportive questioning. I might have found this agreeable if there was an inarguable PR-nightmare scenario here, for example Sean Hannity spending an hour slapping each DNC candidate with a dead fish or something. But when two, going on three, prominent Democrats agree to do this, two of whom made it through without appearing to be "dominated" by the right-wing Matthews, Kucinich's point is rendered pointless.

Kucinich's branding of MSNBC as "too conservative for him" does two things: it strengthens the Right-Wing Conservative rhetoric that candidates only like the non-existant "liberal" networks, and allows the argument that Dennis Kucinich is, frankly, scared of answering questions. Both of these qualities make Dennis Kucinich incapable of being President of the United States.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 10:37 AM

October 23, 2003



Posted by August J. Pollak at 11:41 AM


Speaking of memory loss as inspired by today's strip, Right-Wing parrots have apparently collectively forgotten what their favorite movie was even faster than John Edwards. (You probably didn't get that because, well, no one on earth watches MSNBC.)

Case in point: Free Republic on how horrible the upcoming movie about Ronald Reagan is.

Free Republic on how great the movie about George W. Bush was.

If you all find other cases of such tragic memory loss, feel free to alert me and I'll make up a list.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 12:31 AM

October 22, 2003

Ah, so we're evil then? Good.

On Tuesday, two PA-based student groups announced they will engage in "electronic civil disobedience" by ignoring Diebold's demands to remove public access to leaked memos from Diebold offices, which indicate among other things "...that Diebold, which counts the votes in 37 states, knowingly created an electronic system which allows anyone with access to the machines to add and delete votes without detection."

(Via Josh, who should give this weblog thing a try what with ALL the free time he's got)

Posted by August J. Pollak at 11:35 PM

New comic - "You know what you sound like"

Large Format - 800px, 100K

Small Format - 600px, 60K

Posted by August J. Pollak at 12:28 AM

October 21, 2003

(Head explodes)

Speaking of which, here's the President.

Not the real President, you understand. The actual elected President is elsewhere, no longer the President, hiding in some remote residence with a Federally-mandated Secret Service team who make no secret of their loathing for him and shit on his breakfast every morning. No, he's long gone. I'm talking about the Acting President. The one who wasn't elected.

The one who looks like one of those fucking experimental Chimp-Things we used to stick electrodes in and fire into space.

The worst thing is that I used to know the bastard.

Back then, he was simply Junior, living large in Texan sinbins at night while his crazed Daddy ran naked among his cattle herds, his awful ululating howl echoing across the plains as he brought down another cow with his garotte. I met him once. He showed me the garotte and told me it was made "from the guts of Sand Gooks." Daddy was obsessed with the Sand Gooks. He saw them everywhere. His handlers shivered nervously as Daddy got down on his hands and knees and sniffed my crotch like a dog. "You," he snarled, "have known the dusky terrorist pleasure of a Sand Gook woman." He asked me what it was like and stuck his gnarled hand into his pants. His handlers rammed a sedative spike into the top of his head and dragged him off, brownish urine spraying from within his twitching fist.

Junior just laughed. He slapped me on the shoulder and said, "Let's go to the den, Fellow American." The "den" was a bunker under the family mansion. There was a mountain of cocaine on the big teak desk there. Gulls were flapping around its peaks. Tony goddamn Montana would have quailed. Junior slipped on a gas mask, shoved its open intake pipe into the pile, and flipped on the compressor. Enough coke to kill a flock of young tyrannosaurs hoovered up into Junior's head. He ripped off the mask and shrieked. Bloody residue dripped out of the pipe and back on to the pile. Eyes bulging, he looked down at the pile. He yelped. "My God! I see Jesus! I see His Face in these Satanic drugs! I am Saved! Glory Be!"

He looked at my face and laughed. "Relax, sport. I'm just practising. I'm going to be President one day."

There is, in fact, no logical reason whatsoever you should not love Warren Ellis. When I eventually cave and succumb to making a Wishlist, all y'all are gonna end up buying me the complete works of Transmet. Oh, you think you won't... but you will.

(Thanks to reader Karin Kross, with apologies for all the torment she must have endured during the early 90's. Jump! Jump!)

Posted by August J. Pollak at 10:30 PM

Something to take note of

Via reader Chris M:

With 270 RPI students registering to vote within the past two weeks, some Republican council candidates worry those votes could prove instrumental in two districts. In the week before the Oct. 10 deadline to register in time to vote this fall, the Board of Elections repeatedly received packets of 20 or more voter registrations gathered by a Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute campus group called Democracy Matters. A total of 194 of the new voters are in Council District 4, while 76 of them are in District 3.

Republicans Art Judge, Robert Armet and Cathryne Collington said the college students are temporary residents of tax-exempt dorms, and they might challenge the enrollments.

Yes, that's right. Republicans, fearing that more voters might vote against them than for them, have taken to the Democratic idea of invalidating the right to vote for the people they think might not vote for them.

Here's my personal favorite:

"I think it's a little unusual," said Collington, who faces Democrat Bill Dunne in District 4. "They only stay here nine months out of the year. Most of them are not going to stay here. I think we should at least see if they are eligible to vote."
Yes, they can't be citizens, they only live there the majority of the time. If I said that when I was in college I wouldn't have been let back. (And for the record, guess what? I registered in New York when I went to NYU because, lo and behold, I seemed to always be living there during an election, you moron.)

You know, it seems to me that this might be a story that can get picked up by the national media and send the Republicans running with their tails between their legs if a lot of people talked about this link right here.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 7:02 PM


Congratulations to the Bush brothers, who are once again competing on who can be the most horrible in a given 24-hour period. So which is more monstrous, ladies and gentlemen- gleefully endorsing a bill that bans a possibly life-saving medical procedure, or having the Florida legislature give you the authority to play God with who lives and who dies?

You all know that I hate being one of those reactionary left-wingers who ruins their own credibility by just foaming at the mouth about how horrible George and Jeb Bush are. But Jesus, these men are scum. I don't like, for example, Pat Buchanan. I disagree with most of his views. Same with Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, George Will Bill Frist, Trent Lott, etc... but these are people I want to yell at, call idiots, engage in debate, and so forth.... I've never wanted to just spit in their face if I could and for a rare moment I feel that way right now.

These are evil, twised men who are a shame and a mockery to honest people who care about society and their personal religious faith. Whatever bastard view of God the Bushes hold, it's not healthy. It's not even human.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 6:56 PM

October 20, 2003

Pretending to do research into political insight by posting really good articles by other people and saying "Indeed" pt. 5,543,128

Yes, that's my title which I ironically thought of to alleviate not having a clever title. My context has context. You read good New Yorker article now:

There were, of course, good reasons to worry about Saddam Hussein�s possession of W.M.D.s. He had manufactured and used chemical weapons in the past, and had experimented with biological weapons; before the first Gulf War, he maintained a multibillion-dollar nuclear-weapons program. In addition, there were widespread doubts about the efficacy of the U.N. inspection teams, whose operations in Iraq were repeatedly challenged and disrupted by Saddam Hussein. Iraq was thought to have manufactured at least six thousand more chemical weapons than the U.N. could account for. And yet, as some former U.N. inspectors often predicted, the tons of chemical and biological weapons that the American public was led to expect have thus far proved illusory. As long as that remains the case, one question will be asked more and more insistently: How did the American intelligence community get it so wrong?

Part of the answer lies in decisions made early in the Bush Administration, before the events of September 11, 2001. In interviews with present and former intelligence officials, I was told that some senior Administration people, soon after coming to power, had bypassed the government�s customary procedures for vetting intelligence.

A retired C.I.A. officer described for me some of the questions that would normally arise in vetting: �Does dramatic information turned up by an overseas spy square with his access, or does it exceed his plausible reach? How does the agent behave? Is he on time for meetings?� The vetting process is especially important when one is dealing with foreign-agent reports�sensitive intelligence that can trigger profound policy decisions. In theory, no request for action should be taken directly to higher authorities�a process known as �stovepiping��without the information on which it is based having been subjected to rigorous scrutiny.

The point is not that the President and his senior aides were consciously lying. What was taking place was much more systematic�and potentially just as troublesome.

The New Yorker has some good writers. Hey, I should find out if they print cartoons at all.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 10:41 PM


Jesse verifies that there are people out there who are in fact paid for saying the dumbest things imaginable.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 11:42 AM


Ted Rall has a weblog. Now off to Treacher's to watch heads explode.

Update: Perusing the blog, I already caught something from Rall that makes me smile because I have thought the same thing thousands of times over:

When I was researching the whole blogging thing, a cartoonist pal strongly advised me against including a comment feature in my blog. After I spent a few months reading hundreds of political blogs, particularly among the minority of bloggers opposed to Bush's fascist takeover, I understood why. A comment feature, in an ideal world, would allow people to discuss issues in a civilized way. But we don't live in an ideal world, and what happens in reality is that a bunch of right-wing maniacs link to your blog and encourage their right-wing maniac friends, all of whom should be in Gitmo rather than running free, to post insults in the comments section.

Yes, there are people for whom the highlight of their day is to post "Ted Rall is a commie asshole" on the Internet. Those people are welcome to post such illuminating messages on their own blogs.

This is funny not just because I agree with him 100%, but because Ted Rall has a distinct honor of being someone who several bloggers do, in fact, take special time out of their day to attack him. But gosh, how ever will the forces of good defeat the evil Ted Rall now that he's on to their carefully coordinated "let's talk about how much we hate Ted Rall Day!" attacks to which there is no defense? Be brave, Sir Theodore, your will and virtue must be strong. (resumes laughing ass off)

Posted by August J. Pollak at 11:28 AM