June 28, 2003

Weekend mail de-accumulation

Because I'm lazy. Selected e-mails I print here as courtesy for forgetting to answer otherwise:

Via Bill Clark:

I'm a Canadian in Singapore, so you should double check my numbers, but isn't the salary of the president of the USA now $400,000 per year? I think Clinton raised it (though it would only come into effect when he left office). So in one day, Bush wants to spent more than he earns in a _year_. So, if I start counting from June 1, that means he wants to spend over _500 F#@king years_ wages to get a job that lasts only 4 years. When I apply for a job I e-mail a resume because I don't want to spring for postage.

I enjoy your site and your cartoon. And I have figured out a way to pronounce XQUYZPHYR. "Zequizephyer" seems like a very obvious choice. I assume, therefore, he is a French wind that asks questions.

First, yes, that's roughly what the President makes as a stipend in addition to all the perks of office, such as the White House and having anyone he wants jailed indefinitely with their Constitutional rights stripped. As for XQUZYPHYR's name, I'll rehash since my FAQ is still not uploaded: XQUZYPHYR is, in fact, unpronouncable, which was sort of the point. The most common pronunciations have been "Zy-fer," "Kwizzy-fur," and "Bob."

From Beth:

i've been trying to do some research and understand the "consitutionalist conservative" nuts, Clarence Thomas is is this class. this is a tidbit about the "right to privacy" and the constitution that i found. there is no specific reference to the right to privacy in the constitution and only a reference to the right to liberty is in the declaration of independence.

however if thire going to set up camera in the bedroom i think Santorum's should be first. i guess i ought to be off making babies,....... every 9 months........


Finally, Cris Jones sends this story link about using teenage girls as pawns in the abortion debate, and Burt Humburg shamelessly plugs this guy, but at least admits it in the subject line of his e-mail. But since it's a genuinely interesting read about the complete and utter lack of any logic in the 2000 election, at all, whatsoever, Burt gets away with it... this time. (uncocks revolver)

That's it, I'm off to get more work done. Tune in next week when we ask more questions in the French wind, or something.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 10:55 PM

June 27, 2003

Let's just get it out of the way

Look, much as I thought I would when this eventually happened, I'm not going to say anything that gloats condescendingly about him being dead. Hell, I'd love to live to be 100. But you're not going to get me to pretend that I ever at any point in my life had a kind thought about him, and the fact that he's dead isn't going to make me pretend that's not how I felt.

I'm not going to rejoice over someone's death. But I'll rejoice at every defeat, socially and legally, of the evils he helped inflict on this country that will occur in my lifetime. I am not the one who chose to leave a legacy of things that a more civilized, modern time realized are wrong, so I'm not going to feel shame for opposing what he did when he was alive just because he's not anymore.

He left a legacy that I largely hope to see destroyed, and I feel no shame for that. Anyone who wishes to chastize me for a lack of tact or consideration may direct their comments to the nearest brick wall.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 12:00 AM

June 26, 2003

There are so many sexually offensive one-liners I could make as the title to this post that I plan to use none of them

The Supreme Court has struck down anti-sodomy laws. Feel free to check your calendar and observe that we have actually been in the twenty-first century for well over three years now. Amazing, ain't it? Now, without further ado, let's mock Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas with the most drippingly intolerant sarcasm I can muster:

Chief Justice William H. Rehnquist and Justices Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas dissented.

The court "has largely signed on to the so-called homosexual agenda," Scalia wrote for the three. He took the unusual step of reading his dissent from the bench.

"The court has taken sides in the culture war," Scalia said, adding that he has "nothing against homosexuals."

Okay, except yes. Yes, you do, Tony. You see, when you announce from the bench of the highest court in the United States of America that there exists something called "The Homosexual Agenda" which the court is apparently advocating contrary to what you're obviously implying are "true" morals of "real" Americans, then you have something against homosexuals, don't you think, you asshole?

Although the majority opinion said the case did not "involve whether the government must give formal recognition to any relationship that homosexual persons seek to enter," Scalia said the ruling invites laws allowing gay marriage.

"This reasoning leaves on shaky, pretty shaky grounds, state laws limiting marriage to opposite-sex couples," Scalia wrote.

Gasp! Did you hear that? This might lead to two adults who love each other actually being allowed to marry! Holy shit!

Tune in tomorrow for when Mr. Scalia joins Rick Santorum in a stern dissent against the ongoing promotion of "Man on Dog" action. It is, after all, marked as the 4:00 PM item on the Homosexual Agenda, followed by, of course, by hot, passionate anal sex at 5:30. (singing) Aaaand you caaan't do anything aboooouuuuuttt iiiiittt! Sweet dreams, Tony.

Thomas wrote separately to say that while he considers the Texas law at issue "uncommonly silly," he cannot agree to strike it down because he finds no general right to privacy in the Constitution.
Oh my sweet holy lord Jesus. "No general right to privacy in the constitution." This man is a Supreme Court justice.

Scalia and Thomas are spinning this like there's no tomorrow, going as far as to actually imply that the Supreme Court doesn't have the job of interpreting inaliable rights of American citizens. Since I'm sure something like that, unbelievably stupid as it is, still won't even get a second glance via-a-vis determining them unfit for office, I'm sure we can still all rest easily knowing that Scalia and Thomas are now legally allowed to take turns shoving their opinions up each other's ass.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go visit the Free Republic message board to watch all the ignorant little conservative heads explode.

Update: Howie, you sexy, sexy man.

Second Update: We both noticed the same stupidity of Scalia, but wheras I used "asshole," Mssr. Conroy used much better descriptive terminology.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 3:28 PM

June 25, 2003

Talk about re-circulating money back into the economy

According to this article from the San Fransisco Gate, George W. Bush plans to spend an average of $426,640 from now until November 2004 on financing his re-election campaign.

That's an average of $426,640... each day.

As this blog here notes, The Bush Administration is therefore going to present its image of the President as a normal, just-like-you kinda guy via the spending of more money every day for the next eighteen months than more than 99% of the population of the United States reports as its annual income.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 5:33 PM

LMAO in 2004

There are many parody George W. Bush '04 websites out there, but this is by far one of the funniest I've seen in a long time.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 10:50 AM

June 24, 2003


Having tough times trying to do frequent posts, folks. Sorry. Lots of crap to do these days including job applications, possible freelance work, and trying to unload tickets to Bruce Springsteen concerts I can't go to which, if you've ever had to get rid of unwanted tickets and actually get SOME of your money back, you'd understand is a greuling process in itself. Plus, I am being constantly distracted by an increasing number of rabbits outside my house, which as part of fulfilling a request made by my mother I will write about in the near future.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 9:34 PM

June 23, 2003

The MOCCA shindig

To start, I got a load of things autographed, which will take me quite some time to scan in all of and put up in the miscellaneous section. So when that happens, you'll know.

The MOCCA festival was quite a fun experience. Ran into a few new faces and a few familiar ones. Here we see Mikhaela Reid (pronounced mik-HAY-la) signing her cartoons for me as her boyfriend Yves (pronounced in none of the four attempts I made) acts as the de facto intern for the Boiling Point table. (Yves is French for "nice friendly and very tall man who carries things") Mikhaela has many good things happening to her right now, so you'll have to check in with her to hear about them, since I think it would be rude if I started yapping about it before she did.

I spent a lot of time, including at a bar afterwards along with Mikhaela, with the unbelievably awesome Scott Bateman, easily identifiable by the tattoo of his own cartoon on his left arm.

Ted Rall I said hi to, but having already owned pretty much everything he's ever done I had nothing new to get autographed.

Then came the fun moments. I'm finally meeting Keith Knight, complete with equally-awesome Canadian companion Stephen Notely, when I am actually recognized by people. Go ahead. Read that again. Apparently the toothpaste-splattered mirror photo is distinguishable enough to spot me in a crowd. Go fig. Though I already said it before, I've got to give ridiculous thanks to all the people who actually did that. You people are awesome. As a token of my gratitude, I officially promise to have a table at next year's MOCCA festival so I can take some of your money. Won't that be great?

Another thing about Keith Knight: without a doubt, the guy gets the prize for most awesome selection of quality merchandise among all the exhibitors there. Aside from books, he's got t-shirts, stickers, and CDs of his band's performances. I now own, with great pride, the "Sheep in a Toilet" shirt, which will henceforth be known as "the Sheep in a Toilet Shirt" because frankly there's no way to make that more fun to say.

Sheep in a Toilet.

I did not, to make a note of this, get an autograph from Frank Miller, due to a slight case of "you are ordered to wait in this line and pay extra money to worship Mr. Miller" action going on at his table. So I did what any true fan would do- sneak up on him before he got to his table to say hi and tell him I'm a big fan of his work. He left before I got to "but I'm not paying fucking five bucks to get my comics signed, and frankly Dark Knight Strikes Again had the most ridiculous ending in the history of the Batman franchise, and that's a franchise where Dick Sprang was drawing the Joker being defeated by giant props in the 50's, for fuck's sake." Really, I was going to say that. Just didn't have time. Yep.

Bill Plympton isn't hiring animators. That's all I got outta him. Well, that and him noting that by sitting in a booth next to Ted Rall his day was "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure." I'm sure it wasn't the fifteen hundredth time that joke came up.

Rall, by the way, did not have anyone physically assault him during the convention, which according to others I talked to throughout the day is a very amazing thing. Seriously, there was like a "I can get along with Ted Rall" room and a "currently engaged in physical threats and/or legal action with Ted Rall" room. I'm going to close on Rall by explaining that I'm really kidding about all that; he's really a great guy which is only emphasized by the radical level of his work. If you ever sit down and talk/drink with this guy, it's one of the most fun experiences you can have.

I'll close the whole thing with one more shout-out to Mikhaela, who- I swear to god, folks- gave me a framed cartoon print. So next time any of you see my posting about going to one of these conventions, remind me that I owe her one. Also, Yves loves Batman, which means he rules.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 9:37 PM

Remember when we said it was going to be a quick short-term war?

Hey, guess what, turns out that's not true.

U.S. senators said on Monday American troops could remain in Iraq for at least five years, and U.S. officials said there was no indication toppled Iraqi President Saddam Hussein or his sons were killed in an attack on suspected "regime figures" in western Iraq.

The lawmakers, members of the influential Senate Foreign Relations Committee on a bipartisan fact-finding visit to Iraq, urged President Bush to be more forthcoming about the breadth of the U.S. commitment and the cost of rebuilding Iraq.

"I think we're going to be here in a big way with forces and economic input for a minimum of three to five years," Sen. Joseph Biden, the committee's ranking Democrat, told reporters in Baghdad.

Just think about this one for a moment. We only went to war with Iraq a few months ago. Since then, dozens of American soldiers have been killed in ambush attacks and resistance fights, not to mention the occasional mechanical accident. Now, multiply that by five years.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 9:01 PM

Shock. And once you're over that, something somewhat like awe, but not in a good way.

I'll take "gone a tad overboard" for a hundred, Alex.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 11:32 AM

June 22, 2003

There goes the neighborhood.

Ann Coulter: blogger.

Words fail me. But Ann fails them, so we're even.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 11:05 PM

Working... for you and me.

A few more older-but-now-more-readable comics have been uploaded. Enjoy at will.

I do in fact have a huge amount to say abotu the MOCCA festival, having met (and re-met) lots of really interesting and enjoyable people. But I have, according to the scale in front of me, a whole cubic assload of work to do right now.

It's true. I have a scale. And it measures by the assload. Cubed. Honest.

Posted by August J. Pollak at 10:39 PM