Newest comic posted - "We've known the outcome since Day 1."

This is my last comic to be drawn/printed before the election, and therefore embodies the point I'm sure I'll make closer to the big day itself: no one, nowhere, has any idea what the outcome of the election is going to be because the most unbelievable and unimaginably ridiculous series of events has tainted anything a "professional" political analyst would call a "normal" politican season.

I started writing this the day before Paul Wellstone died and I debated whether or not to mention him in the strip; in the end I realized that the tragedy of his death was, to be morbidly honest, the latest example of the entire point of the strip. I truly meant no disrespect, and I apologize to any offended, though I doubt anyone is... at least any more offended by every other suden change of events in this year's electoral confusion.
 

 

My presence shall be known... sort of.

First of all, I'm now a member of the NoWarBlog, so stuff I post about Iraq, and maybe some extra stuff, and a lot of stuff from other people about Iraq, will be found over there. Woohoo.

Second, if you're watching Donahue tonight on MSNBC, you might notice in the back row on the aisle some schmoe in black pants and a brown shirt. That'll be me.

Donahue is apparently doing a thing for his Wednesday shows where he has them live in New York for a kind of "Town Hall" forum (in other words, he's trying to do episodes of his original live audience show with a MSNBC news angle.) Being the first crack at this new (old) format, I was in a taping that was done earlier in the week. (Just in case the audience went crazy or something, I guess.) And how logical of me, seeing as how all week I've had a terrible quasi-flu cold and look terrible and have been coughing and wheezing non-stop and missed a class but hey, I think I'll go to a friggin' taping of Donahue. Okay, it's partially for credit in a TV studies class, but still. I'm a moron.

The topic, as you will see / saw / completely missed seeing tonight, was about juveniles and the American justice system, primarily the application of the death penalty to minors. Guest on the show included family members of teenage murderers, as well as those of other teenage murderers' victims. The highlight, oddly enough, was not listening to the personal experiences of those guests, but of the two guests in the defense lawyers, one for and one against the death penalty, who simply amazed me with their (for the anti-penalty lawyer) profound logic and (for the rabidly pro-penalty) respective total lack thereof. I hope you watched / will watch the program, because the stuff this woman was spewing frightened me when I imagined she was a lawyer. This woman used "evil" as an excuse for killing people more time than George W. Bush.

Though is took personal restraint, I didn't even raise my hand to offer a question or a comment. Basically, I couldn't have fulfilled the manic-depressive Donahue's 30-second time requirement on the subject. Hell, I have trouble filling 30-minute requirements.

But my argument, summarized, has usually revolved around this: I am against the death penalty, 100%, all of the time. I am not a pacifist at heart; I don't think anyone is. I think many people on death row right now deserve to die. I think many people who have never even been considered "criminals" deserve to die. In other words, I accept that like many other things in life, the death penalty is something that can be understood and justified but simply should just not happen. I also accept that like many other aspects of America, life just isn't fair sometimes. Conservatives who rabidly demand the death penalty as just and fair strangely don't seem to have any other position like healthcare or equal rights or economic disparity in which they feel equality and common inherent advantage are important.

Killing another person, even in the name of justice, robs one of their humanity. To get back at someone who killed by killing them, and to take relief or pleasure in hearing about this eye-for-an-eye system, is to remove any higher ground you had against the accused. Even is revenge is your justification for the death penalty, which I do not personally accept, it makes no difference. Someone killed your friend because they wanted his money, now you are going to kill him for vengeance. Either way, it is a case of establishing selfish logic as a justification for taking a person's life.

Many of course have attacked me with the argument that "if I had a family member be murdered, I would want justice too." My answer to that is that I am far more concerned with hoping that no one in my family is ever murdered than hoping that if they are that the murder will be punished. Actually changing the violence and poverty in this society that leads to murders in the first place instead of just locking everyone up or injecting poison into their arms thus continuing the cycle and improving nothing would be a nice start.

These are, of course, merely the moral factors against it, all of which I maintain only against those who will refuse to acknowledge the far more important statistical factors: the death penalty is proven to discriminate against the poor, the unintelligent, and the dark-skinned. The mere fact that different areas of the country- hell, for that matter, that the episode of Donahue I watch being taped- maintain different rules and specifics for whether or not someone deserves to die is hypocritical and proof of an inherent bias. There is no math equation of (age X severity X importance of person killed X dramatic emphasis of media coverage) = (need to die).

Couple this with the also-proven fact that the death penalty is inaccurate. We have proven that over 100 people were unjustly found guilty and released from death row; we are blind fools to even suggest that we have never accidentally executed an innocent person. Some actually argue that the ends justify the means as those unjustly found guilty were in a situation where they committed other crimes anyway- a logic that only emphasizes just how monstrous we are.

So, like I said, seeing how there's no way I could have fit all that in without Phil pulling the mike away from my face, I shut up and let all the nice people that didn't have their own websites do the talking.
 

 

Wait a minute... you mean the president can read?

As far as the nation knows, President Bush does not keep a Richard Nixon-style "enemies list." If he did, though, Gabe Hudson might well be on it.

Hudson's new collection of short stories, "Dear Mr. President" (Knopf, $19), has made him a favorite of book critics, fellow writers and lots of readers. But the book, it seems, has had the opposite effect on the commander in chief.

If Hudson is telling the truth - and there's no reason to think he isn't - Bush recently sent the young author a two-paragraph note, complete with his own review of "Dear Mr. President."

"The letter began by thanking me for sending the book," Hudson said. "Also, I'm from Austin, Texas, and the president touched on the fact that I was a fellow Texan, congratulating me on my book. But he was setting me up for the one-two punch. Because he called the book unpatriotic and ridiculous and just plain bad writing. Beyond that, I've been instructed not to talk about the contents of the letter for the time being."

That's not all. Hudson says FBI agents have been hanging around at his recent book readings, and the book's website (Gabehudson.com) is apparently being monitored by the government.

The full story here. And yes, full openness mandates that we accept the high likelihood of this story being somewhat of a (if not a complete) hoax. But I was on a role with the obligatory snarky comments and the story was just too good to pass up, even if it's too good to be true.
 

 

Obligatory snarky comment

The son and former wife of alleged sniper John Allen Muhammed both support giving Muhammed the death penalty should he be found guilty of the murders.

Gosh, it boggles the mind how murderers come out of these compassionate and caring family units, doesn't it?
 

 

Maybe we can bomb them with the blatantly obvious

As said previously, me linking to Tom Tomorrow is like the three guys on my dorm floor who are thinking of forming a band talking about how they think these Beatle fellows "might have something there".

Regardless, I need to add emphasis to my opinion of his post this morning, which I think is one of the most thorough and rational explanations of how the invasion of Iraq is the most obvious bloodthirsty attempt at oil control and you're a complete moron if you stick your head in the sand and pretend that it isn't ever. That's my wording, of course, not his.

So I suggest that the eleven or twelve of you who visited this site without having linked to it from Tom's site in the first place go read it as well.
 

 

Umm... Democrats are still evil, right?

My love for my home state of New Jersey continues as we realized this morning that we'd gone an enitre week without anyone in the state legislature getting arrested for fraud. Well, not wanting to establish a precedent, we've gone ahead and corrected that. However, do keep reading, because the sweet residue of the irony you are all going to soak up up while doing so is a lovely smell... like sweet lilacs in the autumn morning dew. Yes, I'm still on the NyQuil.

Essex County Executive James Treffinger, a Republican, was arrested this morning by the FBI on charges of extortion, mail fraud, conspiracy and making false statements to the Federal Election Commission. Now, this might have been a horrible turn of events for the GOP were the man still involved in the election.

And here it comes from those who know about the Jersey race through the TV media only. "August? Which election? Congress? State Senate? I've never heard of this guy!" Well, allow me to explain. Treffinger, earlier in the year, was in fact the Republican Party's candidate for the U.S. Senate for New Jersey. So why isn't he running now? He dropped out early in the race against Robert Torecelli due to the impending ethics investigation which he has now been arrested for. Of course, Doug Forrester is now the Republican Senate candidate in New Jersey, which was allowed by the courts despite the time limit to register in the primary having expired.

No, you're not the only one who thinks for some strange reason you've heard all this before... just with more graphics and a slightly altered slant.

In the midst of the GOP crucifying the Democrats over the replacement of ethically-tainted Robert Torecelli with Frank Lautenberg for the Senate race, they have failed to even recall that a mere few months ago, they did the exact same thing during the primary, using... wait for it... the exact same legal precedent and court rulings that were given to the Democrats last month. But, of course, in the tradition that has been masterfully crafted by Fox News, complete and even fairness is actually liberal bias which must be balanced by blatant Right-Wing rhetoric.

So, in other words, despite the spin and coverage vilifying Robert Torecelli for his violations (which, to be fair, I have said previously are most likely true,) the fact is that the Republicans not only did it as well, but did it first... and their guy is actually going to jail now. So explain to me how the New Jersey Republicans are claiming higher moral ground here.
 

 

Green is the color of confused

Rightly so, tributes of all kinds have poured in over the weekend for Paul Wellstone, many of which, as you can see, have taken the unavoidable political tone. I don't really disagree with that. Wellstone was a politician, and he died in the process of trying to further his politics. I do not disagree with the notion that what Wellstone would have liked more than anything was to have his dreams and visions continued through said politics. It is because of that I am very confused about the political attitudes taken by many who lean to the left on this tragedy.

To start, Walter Mondale. It appears as though he will be Wellstone's replacement, and judging by the historical precedent of sympathy votes, he will likely be Minnesota's next senator. again. In fact, many pundits are saying that there will be "runoff sympathy" for Jeanne Carnahan in Missouri, as the Wellstone tragedy is nearly identical to the accident that killed her husband on the campaign trail two years ago. As for Mondale's politics, I am only to assume that this is the right thing. The honest truth is that Mondale last held office two years before I was born, which makes me very incapable of judging his actions on personal experience. According to the news, Wellstone's sons have specifically asked Mondale to run; that alone is good enough for me.

The demands on the left, of course, is that the "visions of Wellstone" must be maintained. I can't agree more. I for one would love to hear in the near future that the term "Wellstone Democrat" is being adopted to identify those Democrats who wish to carry the liberal, progressive agenda. Hell, you can start with me- I'm a Wellstone Democrat.

So why, then, are all the other Democrats exploiting this?

The easiest way to reflect on Democratic doublethink is to visit, as always, the valuable but volatile Media Whores Online. I read MWO daily, because (and I say it with no regret) it is a valuable, often hysterical, and almost always insightful resource on hearing about the incredibly stupid things the Right is doing. The problem is when it comes to identifying the Left's stupid actions, where everything starts to get a wee bit hazy.

In today's feed, MWO has continued it's touching and well-deserved praise for the late Wellstone, and shifts next to stories about the latest protests in Iraq. This is proper and delightful, because if anything, Wellstone would have wanted the invasion of Iraq to be non-existent. Why then, does MWO, as well as so many other left-wing sites, insist that what Wellstone would have wanted is for everyone to vote for all the traitorous Democrats who voted to give Bush everything he wanted? (Then, of course, comes the weekly beating of the left's favorite on-again-off-again whipping boy Michael Moore who is again berated by the mainstream Left with it's essential "what have you done for us lately?")

While praising the life of Wellstone- one of the few Democrats in Congress to show that he had balls- left-wingers across the board are failing to see the hypocrisy of how all the other Democrats now praising him have absolutely none. We gave Bush the Patriot Act, we gave him the tax cut, we gave him the invasion of Iraq. Exactly when is the Democratic Party going to stop talking about how great Paul Wellstone was and actually give the man a decent memorial by acting like him for a change?

No, instead of reflecting on ourselves, Democrats are going to try and vilify Republicans in a method that even I find disturbing- prior opinions of the now-dead. This is just ridiculous. To imply that horrible comments against Paul Wellstone when he was alive means Bush is actually glad he's dead is abhorrent- and it doesn't cast any Democrats making that accusations in a good light. The fact that I love the song "Why Won't Jesse Helms Hurry Up and Die" doesn't mean I'm actually going to celebrate if he suddenly perishes in a tragic and fatal accident. And it's certainly not fair to the other seven people who died with Wellstone to imply that they were some kind of collateral damage.

It's annoying, and it's saddening. I don't just want to hear BuzzFlash and MWO talking about how the Democratic agenda needs to be continued... the Democratic agenda needs to be altered. MWO, I'm begging you here, just jump out and start screaming at the Democrats- "You fucking pussies! We've handed this country to Bush and his cronies on a goddamn platter for the last two years, and now you're going to say that's what Paul Wellstone wanted? Bullshit! He wanted us to stand up against Iraq! He wanted us to give every person in this country a fair chance! He wanted all of you to get off your asses and stop worrying about the fucking midterm elections! Now get off your ass and take your faces out of George Bush's ass while you're at it!"

Ultimately, the tragedy of Wellstone's death isn't just that a man of his brilliant and strong views has died, but that in the midst of praising those views, no one's actually going to follow them. I don't think any other Democratic senator now is going to think about how they should be more progressive or more liberal. And I think that's the last thing Wellstone would have wanted.

Update: I disagree with this site on numerous occasions, but I think the blog over at Lileks makes a valid case about the opinions over Wellstone's death, both Left and Right.
 

 

This post sponsored by no one because all corporations are godless evil entities of death. Mmm boy I love that new lemon-flavored Diet Coke!

I've been quoted in a Wired News article about a new "service" that spammers are starting that plants addresses to websites in your referral logs. The article, and my quote, basically covers it: it's the proud recipient of this month's World's Stupidest IdeaT.

As I said a while back about another stupid service that web marketers have created, it's a complete paradox that the internet- a technological advance of which its primary functions are used to represent at least a modicum of refined intelligence in its users- is now the device in which marketers prey on the belief that everyone who uses it is, in fact, a complete idiot.

The fact is, these forced-installed toolbars and subversive spam attacks are noticed and maintained only by those who are ridiculously uninformed, or merely lazy. The fact that I can, for example, read above a second-grade level, is what makes me notice how suddenly after restarting my computer I've got a huge list of new bookmarks for sites I've never visited and that a strange icon in the lower-right corner of my desktop has suddenly started to report to some unknown entity that all of my personal habits are being recorded. The marketers do not care one bit that my ability to walk upright prohibits my ability to want this- they merely wish to profit off of those who are too lazy to bother thinking it makes a difference.

As for my referral log, it's just a shitty thing to do. Tricking me into going to some obscure Belgian porn site isn't going to make me want to subscribe to your content- for one thing, I'm too pissed off to even bother perusing your site, and second, the referrals I get form hot LiveJournal chicks is all the action I'll ever need. That's right, ladies, Augie sees you. and he's looking at you. Mrrrrrrrrrow.

Update: en espanol. That's right, I'm going global. Lovely Latinas of LiveJournal, I am spicy hot for you all as well.

Second Update: Okay, so it's actually Portugese. Thanks to Barnaby Yeh for pointing that out.
 

 
Words truly fail me

 

 

Words fail me

In response to an earlier DNC Flash ad accusing Bush's Social Security plan of being risky and dangerous, the GOP has responded with a Flash ad of their own, stating their proper anaology:

George Bush is Superman.

Yes, it's a cartoon, but it's a cartoon sponsored and hosted on the website of the Republican National Committee. Words simply fail me. Just go watch it. And don't foget that President Superman is the guy who denied stem cell research funding to Christpher Reeve. I love making low blows.

Update: many readers, including the collective Democratic Party at Fordhamn University, have alerted me to the smoking tights of this story which officially teeters it between absurd and sad: it appears as though Super-Bush's costume was in fact...

...wait for it...

...stolen from a picture of AL Gore drawn the exact same way. Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick.
 

 
Newest comic posted- "The ad is so simple, isn't it?"

Usual drill. Read if you want; vote if you laugh. And no, I'm not saying that telling people drugs are bad is silly, or that there's no obvious connection between drugs and criminals who are involved in their trade. I'm merely sick of using scare tactics to avoid simple advances in quality of life and education (public education, not just being educated about drugs, that is) that would actually reduce the drug problem. And please, you don't need to tell me what's left out on the chart. It's comedy, folks, and I can't draw Ollie North that well anyway.

Oh, by the way, yet again much apologies for not responding to many of your e-mails; it's been a rather busy week out of several busy weeks so far with several more busy weeks to come. I'm doing my best, but odds are a few of your e-mails are going to get buried under everything that keeps piling up on top of them. Sorry.
 

 

Do you hear the people sing, singing the songs of rich white Republicans

I've heard about this before, but I never made the effort to do the search myself... maybe I just didn't want to. Fortunately, on the heels of my stories about videos of John Ashcroft singing, reader John Gorenfield (who linked from this disturbingly silly but in a good way site here) has reminded me about this tidbit of beltway bellowing.

I present you Mssr. Ashcroft's opening act: Senator Orrin Hatch.

I double-checked this, folks. It's all true. Senator Hatch, while accusing Bill Clinton of countless filthy things and ending all kindness on the planet as we know it, writes songs. And not just any songs. Deep, caring love songs. Though, to be honest, most of them are about how much he loves God.

Now, you might think that skimming through the site and listening to the audio clips would be the scariest thing in the world, requiring much therapy and alcohol afterwards. But it's not. In fact, it sounds pretty much like any normal Christian music, which I guess is fine if you like that sort of thing, though if you like that sort of thing I have absolutely no idea how you found your way onto this website.

No, the scariest thing on the site is the image that can be found here, in the "history" page of the online catalogue. Yes, that's Orrin Hatch. And yes, that's Barry Manilow. And yes, it burns. Why do my eyes burn, Mommy?
 

 

Run (screaming) in a zigzag pattern

An informed (and uni... umm... formed) reader who wishes to remain anonymous has pointed out some inaccuracies in the news media's "tips" on avoiding snipers. Whereas CNN would tell you to move in a zigzag pattern and have a friend help you pump gas, the e-mails author points out what the newscasters haven't been. If you live in the Maryland area, I'd like to apologize for completely removing any shred of false security you have been given by transcribing the e-mail right now.

You are right on about the whole "Washington Sniper" thing. I'd just like to add my $.02, some facts people aren't aware of (thanks to the fear-mongering media), and debunk some fallacies (spread by the fear-mongering media.)

Quick, relevant background about myself: From Jersey. Former U.S. Marine (active duty, decorated, honorably discharged.) Currently living about 10 miles from the shooting at the Sunoco station in Manasshole, VA

1) A .223 round is NOT a "high caliber" round. Easy to check; go to a gun shop and ask to see the selection of LOWER caliber rounds, then the HIGHER caliber rounds. Look at a .308 or a .50 caliber next to a .223!

2) Having someone else pump your gas, or hiding behind a gas pump will save you. BULLSHIT. Even a .223 can go through a WALL in your house and kill you while you're "safe" watching the TeeVee. A .50 caliber round can be accurate from 2 MILES away, so, in effect, NO ONE is safe, unless they're locked in a bank vault!

3) The shooter is a "skilled marksman." In the Marines, each year we were required to re-qualify with an M-16 (.223 cal.). We fired in different positions (prone, sitting, kneeling, standing) from the 200, 300, and 500 yard lines. NO SCOPES. From 500 yards, I could place a round anywhere on the target I desired. The targets used at that distance were human silhouettes six feet tall. Look at a person from 1,500 feet away, and you'll get an idea of how frighteningly accurate those old, sloppy-loose Vietnam surplus M-16A1's were, in the hands of a trained shooter. A blind chimp could hit a target from 90 FEET away, and with a scope, well, you get my drift.

So, in summary, DOOM!

I'd like to point out, of course, that technically I just recieved an anonymous e-mail from someone admitting to live within ten miles of one of the killings and having the training and expertise to carry it out. If it weren't for the fact that I'll take any readers I can get, I'd be somewhat scared right now.
 

 

Oh, I do so admire the mainstream media.

Whoa, I'm less than 400 votes away from the Top 20 in the comics section. Hint, hint. Eh, I'm a whore, what can I do.

Oh, right. My actual post. Yeah, um, well. Trio of little bits about the mainstream newspapers today. Okay, actually two, technically, because Tom beat me to it, but yeah, I've seen that it has officially begun- Trudeau is focusing his attention of blogging. It's kind of a mixed reaction, because while he is, undoubtedly, one of the great eternal geniuses of political cartooning, he does occasionally have this weird way of getting overly "gee whiz" whimsical about modern technology. Every time he does something about blogging, or Napster, or Windows 95, or iMacs, or webcams, he seems to cop something of a "boy, people sure do love that trendy technology, don't they?" attitude.

Wonderful. I'm being condescending to Garry Trudeau. I'll have work one day. Really.

Well, that (sort of) covers editiorial print media. Now for the televised media: according to this link hyeah, over 40 out of 60 links to CNN show transcripts will detail the sniper attacks. And here is where I will make my gross and tastelessly rude opinion, but I simply have to ask why we are devestatingly interested in the reports of the deaths of ten people, when a hundred times that are murdered every day. In fact, 16 people were killed this morning in Israel, and it doesn't get its own graphic and theme music. Why are we generating this fear? In a nation of over 250 million, 14 have been shot by this sniper. Granted I don't live in the Washington area, but even if I did, isn't there anyone else out there who would agree with me that I should be just as "afraid" of winning the lottery?

I'm sorry that I'm demeaning the lives of the dead and wounded. I don't mean to, and I apologize for offending anyone. But I already covered what could have been done and wasn't with last week's comic... and as of now I really don't have any idea how to solve this crisis, except realize that like any other case of terrorism and horrific violence affecting this country, people just need to move on with their lives as best they can.

And here's a good one courtesy of the good folks at FAIR, sort of a TV/print media combo. Ten major media outlets have all, without major explanation, changed their outlook on the events leading to the Iraq inspections. That is to say, all ten of these outlets are quoted a few year ago as reporting the truthful nature of the start of the bombings- that U.N. Inspectors voluntarily left- and are now declaring that Saddam kicked them out. Possibly himself, and possibly kicking a small puppy as he did it. Oh, and his eyes were burning like the embers of Hades itself. Did I mention he hates puppies? BOMB HIM! BOMB HIM NOW!

And since I started with a side note, I'll end with one too- I'm already getting a few e-mail from people asking for me to link to the video files I made for Tom. I'm glad you all have an interest in them, but I simply can't do it. The files I sent Tom were re-edited and not done by an expert in compression technology, and therefore were about 1MB and 8MB each. I get a few hundred to over a thousand daily visits, and if a quarter of you downloaded that much in one day I'd be out of bandwidth by the end of the week. To be honest, there was no change in content to the files, just cleaned-up sound. Ashcroft singing was, and still can, be found at CNN's site, and the video of Bush flubbing his "old saying" is available via a quick Google search, or Kazaa, or on the Daily Show's archives somewhere. As for the downloading of these streams to my own site, that was done using several utilities which were, to be honest, of questionable legality. CNN streams their video because they do not want, for example, my site posting it for local download. I'm sorry that I can't help you, but even the minute chance of getting sued eliminates putting copied and re-edited content onto my site... it goes well beyond the "fair use" I did for Tom.

I should also note that in the process of editing the files for Tom I was required to actually listen to John Ashcroft's hit music video. Folks, you've only seen clips so you don't realize that he sings this thing for over three minutes. I can deal with three minutes of crappy music very rarely, and usually only because it's accompanied by video footage of some blonde female pop star who's trying to express her chastity and desire to be seen as real and deep by wearing tight red panties and gyrating with twenty-seven naked men in a kiddie pool full of sweat. But no, this crappy music is the droning of an ugly, scary white man, and the song... well, it sucks. Trust me, you really don't want to sit and listen to it, let alone the several dozen times I did while rendering it to RealVideo format. If it's that big an issue for you, like I said, Kazaa. Of course, using Kazaa is wrong. Yep, sure is.
 

 

Well isn't that special, part 2

Insurance companies in Oregon are outspending proponents of a new bill by over 10 to 1 on opposition campaigning. The bill that sparks their ire? State-wide Universal Health Care.

The initiative claims over 3,000 volunteers across Oregon and thousands more donors, while opponents have gotten only about 50 donations -- primarily from the health insurance industry. But with over $400,000 in hand, those groups are outspending proponents by more than 10 to 1. Kaiser Permanente, Regence BlueCross BlueShield of Oregon, Pacificare, PacificSource, and ODS Health Plans have each donated more than twice the total received by the Yes On 23 campaign.

Yes, not that this is money that the hospitals could be, you know, using to heal sick people or anything like that. But I'm sure it's simply a public trust thing... the hospitals know what's good for you and so obviously the several thousand people that want the alternative which just happens to be cost-ineffective for the insurance industry is wrong on all counts. But here is my personal favorite passage of the entire article:

...[C]ritics charge that the tax burden, and the spending, will skyrocket in the future, particularly as residents realize they can obtain medical services they don't currently use - - or cannot now afford.

In other words, the insurance providers and the hospitals have spent the last few decades actually factoring into their equations that most Americans would, by inference of lack of funding, have no ability to actually use their services. Suddenly, the idea that health care becomes a natural right and not a consumer commodity rips all financial value from health care itself.

The insurers are, to this article's understanding, trying to rationalize a nation of hypochondriacs- that the sudden emergence of free universal coverage will bring throngs of Americans to the doors of doctors' offices with the preposterous demand that they are taken care of. Of course, this is logic from the same industry that for the last ten years or so has convinced us that every single one of us needs some kind of neon-painted designer pill to treat our depression, impotence, insomnia, and A.D.D.- depsite the fact that more than half the nation would have these afflictions if everyone taking the medication for it actually needed it and wasn't just fed it like some perverted sales pitch.
 

 

Well isn't that special

GOP political activist Dave Wilson [...] is sending Republican voters an automated telephone message telling them not to vote a straight Republican ticket because it includes a gay candidate.

The target of Wilson's attack is Alex Wathen, a Republican candidate for justice of the peace, who is president of the Houston chapter of the Log Cabin Republicans -- the party's leading gay and lesbian advocacy group.

"I'm asking you to vote principles over party politics," Wilson said in his message to Republican voters in JP Precinct 1.

The full story here, and, most likely, available for much-condensed ranting from all sides starting tonight around 7-ish on CNN, MSNBC, and Fox News.
 

 

I, yet again, am AWESOME

Sorry I didn't make a big ol' Monday post for you guys just yet... I spent a few hours last night and today doing a favor for Tom, who needed a video clip of the now-infamous Bush "fool me once" quote. But wait, here's where it gets fun. The only apparently existing copy of this video online is from the Daily Show, which means that it has a much-reviled laugh track over the clip.

What I had to do, you see, was get the video, somehow fix the sound to remove the laughter, and then compress it to a format I could send to Tom. Oh, and it needed to be in Real Video, as well. (Video hax0rs across the nation who just read that are now making the face similar to that guy in Star Wars explaining to Luke the deep complexities of launching missiles into 6-foot holes in the sides of battle stations.)

So, just now, and with much credence to the level of just how AWESOME I am, I sent a viable clip over to Tom that met all the specifications. I found a Windows Media Format video copy, had to get a converter to make it into an AVI, put that in Adobe Premiere, and export that as a RealVideo file. Then there was the sound clip. Luckily, this guy had a copy of the audio clip without a laugh track.... however, it was a streaming RealAudio clip, which meant I had to get another utility of equally questionable legality to hack the stream and re-save it to my computer as a .WAV file, which I could then drop back into Premiere and re-synch with the muted Daily Show clip. SO, there you have it- a nice, fifteen-second video clip that required a mere FIVE DIFFERENT PROGRAMS to make properly.

I'm very sad to report that these are the moments when I wish Microsoft just took over the world so there weren't any such things as competing file formats. But then I'd be no worse than the Nazis. Yup.
 

 

Oh yeah

One more semi-mailbag-related post: I wasn't going to discuss this because it makes me feel like I'm sounding pretentious as hell, but more than a few friends and readers noted this to me:

This was published on September 25, and this was published on October 13.

Yes, it's a coincidence. Actually, the huge lead time syndicated artists need for Sunday strips makes it 99% likely that Aaron McGruder drew his strip before I drew mine. The difference is that I only got attacked by some wimpy College Republicans. McGruder got entire articles written about him... life is not fair, even though great minds think alike. Right...

Okay, to be truly honest, it's kind of a weird annoying feeling. One of the things I prided myself on was not doing anything that you would see in some cliche "Yahtzee!" of 20 other political cartoonists doing the same way for a certain topic. This is, honestly, the first time in the four years I've been drawing political cartoons that I have in fact done a joke that was identical to that of another cartoonist. It doesn't spark enthusiasm as much as a belief that I may just not have been trying hard enough that day, you know?

Of course, I also have no self-esteem whatsoever, so we can take that entire last paragraph as you will.
 

 

Weekend Mail

Scott sends me his response to the GunGuys post about NRA members already having their guns registered by inference of being members of the NRA:

...[A]s a never-gun-owning one time member of the NRA (and ACLU & Amnesty International & The Pro-Gastrapod League). There is one important difference between most, if not all, gun control legislation and the NRA, the NRA is voluntary. Similarly you don't have to subscribe to High Times in order to use dope, or belong to AAA to drive a car.

Scott is of course completely right, but he is also a rare exception. The point is that most NRA members join because, in fact, they have guns- just as most people joining AAA join because they have cars and subscribe to High Times because they're rampaging potheads. (It would be a slow, listless rampage) He also, for some weird reason, provides a link in his e-mail to a page about the predictions of Nostrademus and the Bible Code in relation to the Bush Administration, which to be perfectly honest Scott, makes me wonder just how long you've been a High TImes subscriber.

Crager Couger exchanged a few mails with me over the Jerry Falwell issue, initially questioning my logic in saying that Falwell's school violates Constitutional policy. My argument, as I explained to him, was that Falwell openly indicated that he will aim for judges to be trained with their moral (translated: Falwell's morals) viewpoint as the basis for their judgments. That moral value, being the principle of Falwell's school, is religion. For a Federal judge to base a decision, thus affecting U.S. law, on his religious beliefs, is tantamount to making law that establishes them- QED, a direct violation of Article 1 of the First Amendment.

As you can see, that paragraph I just wrote was disturbingly complicated to read, so I felt god when his last reply added a new opinion of interest about the judge process in the country:

Unrelated Side bar rant on judicial appointments - the republicans are bitching about the Dems stalling on confirmations of Shrub's judicial appointees. And everybody knows that this is just exactly what the republicans did to Clinton's appointees. So the counter-argument goes. "well, that doesn't make it right - and now we've got a judge-shortage-crisis on our hands." But what is only rarely mentioned is that this was a calculated strategy. The GOP didn't block Clinton's nominees because of ideological differences, they did it specifically so that there would be a judge-shortage-crisis when a republican got to the White House and they would have the opportunity to pack the Federal judiciary w/right-wing ideologues.

Makes sense to me. Finally, Jake adds his constructive criticism to the Rudy Giuliani post with the following:

I disagree with your statement about Rudy Giuliani gaining more than anyone else due to 9/11. I think that he is beat slightly by Gary Condit.

To which I can only say, why do we still remember this guy's name? Have a good weekend, folks.
 

 

I guess owe a few people a beer for multiple reasons

And yes, I'm aware that, unless something happens in the next ten hours, I have officially been proven wrong on the lighthearted prediction I made in a previous strip. We have, near-officially, not invaded Iraq today.

With that, I can give Happy Birthday shoutouts to my friends Alex and Christine, and wish them many more years of health, happiness, and of course, the United States not bombing Iraq. They share their birthdays with Mike Ditka, Senator Jesse Helms, and Jean-Claude Van Damme, which for some strange reason seems to have a cosmic significance in that they have absolutely nothing to do with one another in any way whatsoever.
 

 
Giuliani sais quois

Going through ideas for next week's strip, one of them that kept popping up in my head was Rudolph Giuliani. Rudy has recently been offered several million dollars to "advise" the police force of Mexico City in the ways of- get this- "crack down on violence." Really.

And, as some might know, his autobiography just came out, and he's been apparently filling all the books stores and earning unabashed praise (as usual) from David Letterman over his great and triumphant career as the "leader" of New York City.

To which the bowl of petunias replied: "Oh no, not again."

After September 11, I think it's safe to say that even beyond President Bush, even beyond Jon Ashcroft, and even beyond the collective Republican Party, there is no single entity that has benefited more from its aftermath that the former mayor of New York. Whereas Bush will, to the day he leaves office and beyond, be dogged much like Bill Clinton for his actions and personal life, Rudy Giuliani has suddenly appeared to have everything but the last year of his life and career cleaned away like a sponge to a blackboard.

Prior to September 11, there was virtually no way to avoid being at least slightly critical. From day one, when he mandated the compassion of his reign by allowing his bratty son to mug the cameras and play all over the podium as he took his allegedly-important-and-serious oath of office, Rudy has gone out of his way to both appeal to the "average Joe" New Yorker while looking like a complete ass to just about everyone else on the planet.

And don't get me wrong on this- I am not being, and cannot be, critical of his handling of September 11. The managing of the resources and organizing the relief efforts was, without a doubt, the pinnacle important action of his two terms as Mayor. For that, he was noted and praised, from all ranges including myself- hell, including the Queen of England. But this honor, albeit deserved, is the shiniest linings to one of the darkest clouds in American politics.

The fact that Giuliani handled the events of September 11 does not seem to be the major issue in the eyes of the media that almost instantly and without any argument glorified him beyond belief- to be frank, Rudy's moment of glory was a result of timing. had September 11, 2001 been January 2, 2002, the burden would have fallen to the hands of Mayor Bloomberg (or to be honest, had 9/11 not occurred, Mayor Mark Green.) What reflected the nation's consciousness and respective admiration for Rudy was his open and outright sympathy for New York itself. as if the city was a living breathing organism tat was literally bleeding in pain. Rudolph Giuliani, no doubt, cares for New York City. but he cares about a version of New York that he lives in and fails to care about the countelss other New Yorks that others live in.

He didn't care about the New York where the police department routinely, and viciously, held outright and deadly bias against blacks and Latinos. He didn't care about the New York where people favor their free speech and artistic ability over the screeds of the Catholic Church. He didn't care about the New York that wasn't plastered by billboards for the Disney store and was merely plastered with crumbling buildings, increased drug use, and further failing schools (a problem which is now, of course, blamed solely on the Democrat running for governor.)

And if you want to study to policies and financial maneuverings of the Giuliani administration, you can't, because he doesn't seem to care about a New York in which other New Yorkers might want access to his files, which he has illegally and immorally blocked all access to so his personal legacy can be preserved forever. We can't be reminded by his past records that he's a hypocrite who railed on Bill Clinton's sex life while caring little for the morality of his own. We can't be reminded of his whimsical taunting of Hillary Clinton for choosing to "become a New Yorker," while thinking exactly the opposite about another so-called-carpetbagger. And we certainly can't be reminded about paintings covered in elephant dung, 41 bullets, and innocent men being sodomized with plungers.

People get defensive of the actions of the NYPD under Giuliani's rule, claiming you can't blame the Mayor for the action of the police. Then they open up Newsweek and are told that he should be unequivocally praised for the action of the police after the attacks on the World Trade Center. Or better yet, you can open up Time, where he is, for no reason other than to sell more issues, declared Man of the Year- an "honor" which is supposed to reflect the actions of the person who affected history the most for that year. Giuliani did not affect history the most for 2001- he cleaned up after the actions of the man who really did. Man of the Year isn't an award or a prize; it's supposed to be a statement of fact. The fact is that saying Giuliani did more to affect the world, good or bad, than bin Laden in 2001 is like saying Orson Welles' War of the Worlds broadcast had more significance than Hitler did in 1938.

And now, of course, Rudy has declared in a way that for some reason people on the whole are not declaring completely tactless and insane, that he has, again by happening to be mayor at the time of the 9/11 attacks, earned the right to personally execute bin Laden. "Bin Laden had attacked my city, and as its mayor I had the strong feeling that I was the most appropriate person to do it," he was quoted as saying, in a tone which can only bring me memories of the interrogation room scene from L.A. Confidential when the teenager is explaining why he was justified in repeatedly raping the Latino girl. I mean, seriously, what the hell kind of dignified statement is that for someone to make? And what would he want to do to bin Laden? Shoot him? Inject poison into him? Or maybe just choke him to death with his bare hands as he grows an even larger erection fueled by the unabashed love the "common people" have for his ability to actually get away with saying disgusting things like this.

If Giuliani actually came face-to-face with Osama bin Laden, he wouldn't feel that way. He wouldn't be looking at this gigantic demonic specter of evil. he'd be face-to-face with a frail, pathetic old man with too much hate and too little insight about the world around them. If we ever do put them in a room together, maybe we should make sure it has a mirror for the two of them to share.
 

 

Most likely not in the newest extension pack

I don't play The Sims, mostly because I simply just don't have the time to, say, give up the remainder of my life required to focus your attention towards playing it. Nevertheless, I am aware that many of you do, and I'll be damned if I can let something as downright adorable as this go without my mention.

Get 'em right here, right now: The Sims anti-war posters.
 

 

Wait a minute

I have to hand it, once again, to the brilliant minds over at GunGuys for pointing out the near-piss-your-pants obvious rationale for how ridiculous it is for the NRA to oppose gun registry.

There already exists a government-affiliated, active and effective national registry of American gun owners. It's called the National Rifle Association- an organization which collects the names, addresses, contact and financial information, and in some cases specific gun information- about all of its members, with direct and indirect links to most of Congress, the White House, and the Justice Department.

I have been an active supporter of gun control for nearly half my life now, and I am dumbfounded at how this logic never once went through my mind. Better start burning those membership cards now, folks.
 

 
Newest comic posted- "I think you shot Mr. Bunny."

Part of me wants to say "not much to say on the topic," but the reality is that I've got way too much on it to convey properly. Anyone local to the NYU Campus that's been reading the WSN has been aware of the rising influx of Letters to the Editor courtesy of the NYU College Republicans; your truly beign the subject of one or two. (I'm still thrilled about all of it, really.) No doubt that this week's